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IELTS:Giving aid to poorer countries has more negative effects than positive effect



healing80 1 / -  
Sep 3, 2010   #1
In this world, there is no one who does not know this world 'globalization', which means the world are more closer, and every single countries affects each other more than before in many ways. That is why governmental and non-governmental organizations have been focus on being harmony and contribute to aid to poor countries. It is true that just giving aid to impoverished countries could be manipulated by big power countries. In addition, a great amount of materials and money have poor countries being corrupted and politically dependent on other countries.

However, I agree that aiding poor countries has positive effects, overweighing its side-effects for the several reasons.

First of all, poor counties suffer from shortage of basic materials and facilities to start businesses and make it richer. To be out of poverty, it is fundamental to support basic industry related factors such as light, electricity, load, highways, natural resources, technology and buildings for companies. Aiding help poor countries in this situation solve their economical problems and run their own business. In actual, republic of Korea used to be the poorest country even compared to others in Africa in 1960's. Now that it has became strong economy country aiding poor countries after 10 years of aid from other counties.

Secondly, aiding campaign gives a chance to considerate about poor people. If people in rich countries ponder poor people suffering from poverty and diseases, they would never take their abundance for granted. It not only raises the notice the meaning of harmony and love, but also be a good chance to learn humane doctrine of globalization.

Third, the campaigns might include practical benefits. In globalized world, the economies of several countries are in a big network and must influence on each others. When America mortgage loan system went bad, several economies of European and Asian countries fluctuated, even any countries had to be gotten international supports to block its bankrupt.

In conclusion, there are abovementioned three key points of positive effects of aid; supporting poor countries to make its economy strong and building humane concepts to people, keeping strong global economy. I strongly believe that being a global neighbor by aiding poor countries would be continues by many organizations and volunteers, and it will make the earth a better place to live.

asad 3 / 5  
Sep 3, 2010   #2
Healing 80, My Friends i think that in 2nd paragraph you use may basic necessities of life instead of basic material.
You may

basic industry related factors such as light, electricity, load, highways, natural resources, technology and buildings for companies

better it using words like infrastructure and power generation.

Hopefully it make your text better.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Sep 5, 2010   #3
This sentence is awkward:
In this world, there is no one who does not know this world 'globalization', which means the world are more closer, and every single countries affects each other more than before in many ways.

I want to make it simpler:
In this world, there is no one who does not know the word 'globalization' means: the people of the world seem closer to one another, and every single country affects the others more than before in many ways.

Now it is better.

To be out of poverty, it is fundamental to support basic industry related factors such as light, electricity, load, highways, natural resources, technology and buildings for companies.

This is a very impressive sentence! I can tell that you are a master of language, someone who is a "verbal thinker," so please practice your verbs by reading good articles aloud and pratcicing different kinds of sentences. You are doing well!

Verb tense: Now that it has become strong economy country aiding poor countries after 10 years of aid from other counties. --- can you find the very small change I made to this sentence?

Also, practice with singular and plural:
You have to say, "Every single country..." or "All countries" but not "Every single countries "

In conclusion, there are above-mentioned three key points of positive effects of aid: supporting poor countries to make their economy strong, building humane concepts in people's minds, and cultivating a strong global economy.

I strongly believe that being a global neighbor by aiding poor countries should be continued by many organizations and volunteers, and it will make the earth a better place to live.

Here is your homework assignment: practice reading each of those sentences I corrected, and read them ALOUD. Also, practice typing them the correct way each time you speak them. Practice each of them 10 times, and your English will improve today! :-) I am excited about your potential.


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