Thanks for replying. In future I will give a meaningful title to the writing.
In my next essays, I will try to follow the format of introduction as suggested by you. Apart from that, what is your overall feedback? I wanted to get an idea about how far I am from band 7 or above in writing.
.... well, let me give some of my thoughts too :)
Your overall approach for the essay looks good except for the intro. Follow dumi's approach for the intro when you do your next essay. However, the body paras look good. They contain the reasons for defending your view, plus the examples. The main weakness I find with your writing is that your sentences are too lengthy;
The best thing about internet is the availability of information in the form of text, image or video related to almost everything and through computer children can access internet to gather knowledge on the subjects they are studying or they are interested about.
.... such length disturbs the flow ... :(