Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 5


TOEFL Government is not necessary since we can redress many problems by our own.



elan 3 / 9  
Oct 16, 2013   #1
With the high-speed develpement and the increasingly cutting-egded technology infuse in our lifes, our living condition become much better, and many problems have been resolved by our own and with the help of friedns and familys. It seems like that the government plays an unobvious role in the society, but the truth is, there are countless problems can only be redressed by our government.

First and foremost, we humanbeings have been trough a lot from the natural disease, and new disease always here no matter how complete the bio-technique is. Last year, H1N9, a new infection widespreaded in China, and with the quick respondance and efficient resolvments, the horrible disease was controlled well. We can not prevent ourselves safely without the help from our government and those works can only be done by a huge sophisticated government system.

Not only the disease, but also the natraul catastrophe troubls us. A big volcanic eruption happened in Iceland in 2010, which due to problems in airline of the whole Europ. One of my friend study in Italy and traveld in Iceland at that time, and he could not back to Italy by air on time. And finally, the airplane company get the help from government and make the airline runs normally through a huge job on resolving the vocanic cloud. What can we friends do to him to help him back Italy at that time ? The answer is, nothing.

What is more, many social problems call for the interfering from our government. Recent years in China, many food safety problems emerges, for instand, Sanlu, a famous milk production company, produced the toxic milk powder that due to a terrible socicial effects, made people afriad about chosing food production. And Chinese government then enacts many strict laws to controll the food company and ensure the safety of food production, which makes civilians feel much comfortable in taking food production.

In short, we can not have a better life aqulity without the help of our government, even if we do redress lots of trubles by our own, which are so tiny compared with the government's efforts.

joylabx 3 / 4  
Oct 16, 2013   #2
First and foremost , we humanbeings have been trough a lot from the natural disease

Firstly, human beings have been exposed to a lot of natural diseases.

and new disease always here no matter how complete the bio-technique is.

maybe you can write
New types of diseases continue to evolve even though with the advancement of biotechnology.
leslav 2 / 2  
Oct 17, 2013   #3
New types of diseases continue to evolve despite the advancement of biotechnology.
dumi 1 / 6793  
Oct 19, 2013   #4
First, it is always good to have your prompt included in your writing because it helps us understand what your prompt expects from you and align your writing with it.

our living condition become much better

our living conditions become much better / our living condition becomes much better

First and foremost, wehumanbeings have been trough a lot from the natural disease

human beings - two words
Also, this sentence is confusing and difficult to understand as to what you try to mean :(
Pahan 1 / 1824  
Oct 19, 2013   #5
Not only the disease, but also the natraulnatural catastrophe troublstroubles us.

.... hey.... you've got to be careful with your spellings because they also are an important aspect of writing. Also, there are no speller checker facilities at the exam , so you've got to be careful .:)

Not only the disease, but also the natraul catastrophe troubls us. A big volcanic eruption happened in Iceland in 2010, which due to problems in airline of the whole Europe .

.... what's the connection between natural catastrophes and the involvement of government? You always need to align your writing with the topic.
Not only epidemics, but also natural disasters can disturb our lives time to time. In such events, individuals themselves cannot handle and manage such situations on their own without the support of government involvement.


Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL Government is not necessary since we can redress many problems by our own.
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳