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The government spending on sport training for top players as compared to everyone

chinkybehl22 10 / 25 4  
Nov 13, 2017   #1
TOPIC:- Some people believe the government should spend money on sport training for top players. While some people believe they should spend money on sports training for everyone. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

funds for a few sport stars or for every athete

Sports play a major role in the overall growth and development of the individuals. Nowadays, a major chunk of the overall budget is allocated to the sports training. Some people think that the government should invest their funds in providing the sports training to their top players. However, there are a few who feel that the government funds should be utilized for imparting physical health education to the commoners.

Some believe that the government should focus on all the individuals as compared to the top players, which are significantly lower in proportion. By utilizing the government funds in imparting sports training to all the individuals will make them fit and healthy and reduce the frequency of several hazardous diseases caused due to limited physical movement. Nowadays, people are leading a sedentary lifestyle, these physical health education sessions will encourage them to pursue a healthy living. This would further boost the overall economy of the country.

However, there are a few who believe that the government should spend the money on providing fitness training to the elite players as compared to the entire nation. They feel these champions are the biggest asset of the country. As they bring pride and glory to the nation. By spending the government funds in providing them advanced and specialized sports training will further enhance their skills. As a result, while participating in a tournament, they will be more competitive and would have an edge over other participants.

In my opinion, the government should follow a balanced approach in distributing the funds to provide sports education to the commoners and top players. As both these sections are equally important for the overall growth and success of the nation.
masako 1 / 1  
Nov 14, 2017   #2
I would prefer "Nowadays, a major portion of the government budget is allocated to sports training centres."
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,919 4799  
Nov 14, 2017   #3
Chinky , when you write the first paragraph, do not launch into an immediate discussion of the essay topic. The opening paragraph is meant to help the examiner assess your English comprehension skills. The only thing he wants to read about in this paragraph is an accurate representation of your understanding of the original prompt. What you did was introduce a discussion in the first sentence of your opening paragraph. I you remove that part and start with the second sentence instead, your prompt paraphrasing will be more on the mark. By the way, your opening statement would have been perfect if you had remembered to paraphrase the discussion instruction as well. That way, the reader will have an idea as to what is supposed to be discussed in the body paragraphs.

The essay does not have a proper concluding statement. Your personal opinion is considered a part of the body of paragraphs and therefore, should never be used to close the essay. The essay will only be considered closed and with an appropriate closing paragraph if you did a proper summation of the discussion along with a prompt restatement and a reiteration of your opinion.

Overall, this is a pretty decent attempt at writing a comparison with opinion essay. You just need to make sure that you address the points I observed above in your next practice test.
OP chinkybehl22 10 / 25 4  
Nov 14, 2017   #4
Thanks for the valuable feedback.
It's really helping me out to improve my writing.

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