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toefl - governments should spend more money improving on roads or public transportation?


aldebaran 8 / 17 2  
Feb 15, 2014   #1
The topic of transportation is a tough one because there are many problems related with it. Most of these problems have some influence over our health and they must be solved immediately. Therefore, if I have to decide if governments must spend more money on improving road and highways or public transportation, I would choose public transportation. My answer is based on the fact that healthy problems derived from public transportation are crucial for us.

The first problem is pollution. In many developing countries, the amount of pollution is extremely higher than other countries, and people develop respiratory problems. Because old buses create pollution, governments must invest more money in change the old buses to new ones. For example, in developing countries, old buses are made of old technology, which use energy that is higly contaminating. However, new buses use natural gas, which reduce the amount of pollution created by the bus. Therefore, if governments spend more money on new public transportation, it would reduce the amount of people whit respiratory problems.

Another big problem is the traffic. This problem is crucial because it can affect people's lives. People in big cities spend many hours traveling, so many decide to do it in their own car because is more comfortable and save than buses. This creates a huge effect in which everybody has their own car and traffic increase in the city. However, if the governments can offer a save and comfortable service in buses, trains and subways people would choose to travel in public transportation instead of their own vehicles. This will reduce the traffic.

In a nutshell, I believe that governments must spend more money on improving public transportation instead of roads because the collateral effects that the first one creates are more important for our healthy. If the goverments can encourage people's choice for buses through improving public transpotation, it would reduce some healthy problems of their people.

Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Feb 16, 2014   #2
The topic of transportation is a tough one because there are many problems related with it.

topic of transportation? Hey that sounds too broad. What is tough about transportation? You need to specify!
Follow this structure for your introduction.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 16, 2014   #3
The topic of transportation is a tough one because there are many problems related with it. Most of these problems have some influence over our health and they must be solved immediately. Therefore, if I have to decide if governments must spend more money on improving road and highways or public transportation, I would choose public transportation. My answer is based on the fact that healthy problems derived from public transportation are crucial for us.

Ok, let's see what mistakes you have done in this intro-
1. You have not introduced your prompt clearly and adequately to the reader.
2. Also you have gone a bit out of topic. (see the highlighted line above)
3. You have some words repeating too often
Let's do this intro as Pahan suggests above;
Roads and public transportation are two most important aspects in our daily needs. (HOOK) Some people argue that governments should allocate more funds for road development and public transportation should be looked at secondarily. (BACKGROUND OF YOUR PROMPT) However, I disagree with this view and believe that public transportation deserves more attention over the roads. (YOUR OPINION)

Also, make sure you include the prompt with your essay next time, for us to understand what it really requires from you.


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