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[ielts writing 2] Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads.


Lanternna 1 / -  
Nov 2, 2022   #1
Please give me some feedbacks. Thank a lot!

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that more money should be funded to railways than roads by officials. In my perspective, I agree with this statement because railways are faster at carrying things and they are more environmentally friendly.

First of all, we can clearly see that railways can transport a large number of goods at a fast speed. This is due to the fact that railways are designed to carry a huge amount of loads, particularly they can carry some raw materials such as coal. Moreover, the goods and passengers can also be delivered faster because there is no traffic congestion like cars. For example, a train can deliver 300 passengers and tons of goods from north to south Viet Nam in just 4 hours long. This will cost greatly if we use other types of transportation such as cars to deliver the same amount of loads.

Another noticeable advantage of railways is that they are environmentally friendly. Compare to cars, the total amount of air pollution released by railways is far less severe. For example, A study by the Hanoi university of technology and economics reported that to transport 1 ton of goods, a train release 30 percent less air pollution compared to a car. Therefore, railways are more eco-friendly and deal less damage to nature than a car because of the amount of carbon dioxide emitted.

In conclusion, more money should be spent on railways rather than roads by the governments because railways can transfer larger loads and are more environment oriented.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,410 4391  
Nov 2, 2022   #2
The essay could have been longer in terms of discussion explanation and better formatted in terms of presentation to allow for a higher scoring consideration. Yes, the writer has writter 2 words more than the minimum, but that does not mean that the essay wil qualify for higher scoring considerations per rubic consideration. Try to lengthen the discussion to at least 275 words. That way the scoring bonuses can be applied.

As far as prompt restatements and writer's opinions go, this is one of the better developed presentations. Specifically, the opinion presentation uses the linking words in a manner that offers a clear opinion + thesis statement. What makes this paragraph weak though? Well, the writer actually provided a good opinion, but forgot that this is a measured response statement so the degree of opinion support must be indicated. It is not just a simple yes or no question. It is an emotional response based explanation. Since the degree of response is not present at the start or the end, point deductions will be applied due to a semi non compliant response format.

Good work on the reasoning paragraphs as well. The writer properly defended the writer's opinion using well considered supporting statements and examples. The problem actually shows up in the final paragraph. It is a run-on sentence that does not properly represent the needs of the paragraph. For starters, it should be at least 40 words long. That minimum word count for the paragraph should be spread out over 3-4 sentences in this case as it should summarize the topic, opinion, and reasoning paragraphs to complete the reverse paraphrase presentation.

The writer shows the potential to score higher than average based on this writing. Making adjustments to the writing style based on the above observations should help better his score in the next practice test.


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