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[TOEFL] : Governments should spend money on space exploration or for basic needs of people


something 23 / 52 5  
Oct 26, 2013   #1
It would be great if someone could rate or make comments on my essay. Thanks.

TOPICSome people think governments should spend as much money as possible exploring outer space (for example, traveling to the Moon and to other planets). Other people disagree and think governments should spend this money for our basic needs on Earth. Which of these two opinions do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

government should pay attention on basic needs, space travel don't meet that criterion



Although developing technologies to discover amazing thing in galaxy is interesting, there are many people in the world are in poverty or starvation. Thus, these technologies mean nothing if people lack of prosperity. Therefore, in my opinion, I accede with notion that government should pay attention on basic needs of people first.

First, as you can see that after great economic recession, many people in many countries were unemployed. Then, many people did not have money. When people did not have money, They had to rob other people. There were increasing in criminal rate in many cities. Consequently, quality of life were dropping and this make people unhappy. So that, government should invest to create more jobs. When people have jobs, they did not have to steal money. Therefore, criminal rate were drop. Thus, people have a good quality life.

Second, environment is also important issue that everyone depend on it. Nowaday, industrial in many countries still emit high intense of carbon dioxide, which caused of greenhouse effect. Greenhouse effect causes of climate change. These impact on every living creature in the world. So, government take care of this issue by declare regulate to control emission of carbon dioxide. In addition to controlling emission carbon dioxide, government should invest in alternative energy such as using solar energy instead of coal energy. If we lived in good environment, our life would be better.

Lastly, family is a root of society. If everyone in family did not have time to spend with each other, that family could have problems, If family had problems, it mean society could have problems. When society had problems, it could impact to a nation. Thus, government should create campaign to fill love to family. For example, setting event once a week to gather everyone in family to spend time with each other. When family understand each other, it mean society and a nation will not have much trouble.

In conclusion, I personally agree with statement that government should spend money on basic people needs. The basic needs: jobs, good environment, and love in family. These three issues are the most important basic needs of people in my opinion that government should pay attention on to improve quality life of people.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Oct 26, 2013   #2
First, I want request you to have a meaningful topic in the subject field when you open a fresh thread. This title is attended by us. When it has some relevance to what you write, it is very likely that you'll earn more comments.

....there are ... world who live in extreme poverty and starvation.

Although developing [...] needs of people first.

You need to tell the reader about the background of the argument. You don't introduce the arguments properly :(
OP something 23 / 52 5  
Oct 27, 2013   #3
How about this? Is it better? - -"

Although developing technologies to discover amazing thing in galaxy is interesting, there are many people in the world live in poverty or starvation. Thus, having a lot of successful technologies up in the sky while quality life of people still low is unacceptable. Therefore, in my opinion, I accede with notion that government should pay attention on basic needs of people first.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Oct 27, 2013   #4
First, as you can see ...

First, as we all know, the recent global economic recession left many people without jobs in many countries in the world.

Then, many people did not have money.

... this is understood when you say lots of people lost their jobs. So, you shouldn't repeat the idea again.

When people did not have ...

.... :D Well... this sounds too general that every poor man would start robbing which, I feel, is not very fair. Let's say that a bit differently;

When people do not have money, that may lead to many social problems such as higher crime rates, suicides, political riots etc.

Consequently, quality of life were ...

Poverty would certainly make people unhappy and that would affect negatively on society they live in.
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Oct 27, 2013   #5
Although developing ... is interesting , there are many people in the world who ...

Your second sentence in the introduction is more meaningful and depict the same meaning. I feel that the first part of the sentence "Although...interesting" is not necessary.

pay attention on to

as you can see that after great ...

The Great Recession has caused a persistently high levels of unemployment in many countries.

Then, many people did not have money.

A large number of people have to struggle to make ends meet every day.

When people did [...] criminal rate in many cities.

If people have less income, it is likely that crime rates will increase.
I feel that the next two paragraphs are a bit out of topic. I think basic needs include issues like food, shelter, education or healthcare.

I hope this helps!


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