Prompt: Identify a significant issue in contemporary culture that concerns you, some of the dimensions, why it concerns you, and what possible solutions you might propose.
High School: The Land of Incurable Apathy
A group of statistics class students conducting a survey for their class project asked me, "If you could vote in the presidential election, who would you vote for: Obama or Romney?"
Personally undecided, I told them the first candidate that came to my mind: "Ron Paul."
Not surprisingly, I was told that my answer was invalid even though Ron Paul is still running for election. Naturally, valid answers included: "Romney, because Obama isn't born in America" or "Obama, because Romney hates the 47%". Nothing else can be expected when a majority of high school students get their election information from biased, sleazy political attack ads.
Its no wonder that adults lament my generation's apathy and ignorance. We prefer reality TV shows over presidential debates. We prefer updating Facebook profiles over reading about current events. Our addiction to technology dumbs us down. We know how to fill in bubbles on standardized tests, not to think critically. Everything about us screams "apathetic and lazy".
Many students claim to not have time to research politics. College driven students know that time spent investigating politics and laws is time not spent beefing up the resume. I know many students foregoing sleep and health to get that golden A on all their classes. Yet, those same students have time to watch reality TV. They are the students on Twitter and Facebook until midnight. They have time to update themselves on current music releases and celebrity gossip. College driven students who want a social life with friends know that time must be set aside to catch up with pop culture. Political apathy is a matter of priorities.
However, we must fight this political apathy. For a democracy to function properly, citizens must actively participate. Otherwise, government cannot legitimately claim to be of the people, by the people, or for the people. High school students are future voters and as such its vital that they care about politics. Its vital that they become educated citizens with civic virtue.
Education is the best defense against apathy. I know many students who, despite having taken a high school civics and economics class, do not have a working knowledge of how bills become laws, how government functions, or what rights they have according to the Bill of Rights. An ignorant voter population cannot check the government as it ought to. Therefore, schools need to prioritize civic education as highly as mathematics and English language education.
An emphasis on critical thinking skills must be made. Schools must not only teach students the answers to questions; they must also teach students how to ask the right questions. Students must learn to question everything and take nothing at face value. Schools must teach students how to research and investigate. Teaching students how to think in addition to teaching facts will be much more effective in fighting than teaching facts alone.
There will be no magical overnight cure for political apathy. However, if schools manage to create a class of eloquent thinkers instead of mindless workers, then the people cannot possibly be apathetic--they know far too much.
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This is my first time using this site so I apologize if this isn't how you're supposed to ask for feedback. Any help appreciated.
I like how you dodged the normal answers to your prompt (starving children, dying animals) and gave something unique. I don't think anyone can disagree with your issue, so that is good.
The first problem I have is your title. It is very misleading to your actual essay topic and sounds kind of obnoxious, like you think your higher then your peers (not saying that you are, just saying what it sounds like).
The same problem occurs in your fourth and fifth paragraph. It's not that what your saying is entirely wrong, but the way that it is coming out is pretty harsh. Be a little more subtle. Do not make it look like you look down on your entire generation, and keep in mind that a lot of kids aren't too concerned because we don't have a direct say in politics (18 and over to vote).
The second to last paragraph is something that the essay reader will fall in love with, I know I did. And you finished your essay off with a bang.
You're a really good writer otherwise. This piece is strong and displays that you are very skilled.
Thanks for the feedback. Unfortunately, the deadline has passed and I just went with what my teachers said.
Although, I will be sure to keep your critiques in mind for future essays.
