The Graph Bellow Compares Changes In The Birth Rates Of China And USA Between 1920 And 2000.

fertility rate in China And USA

The line graph illustrates how the fertility rate changed in two various countries over an 80-year period, starting from 1920.
Overall, a gradual decrease was witnessed in the percentage of birth in China and the USA. It is noticeable that the proportion of fertility in the USA was the highest over most of the period.

In 1920, the rate of fertility in the USA stood at over 22%, higher than 20% of China's birth rate. During the next 15 years, the percentage of birth in both China and the USA fluctuated prior to increasing to nearly 25% and 23% respectively. After falling to 5% and remaining stable, the proportion of birth in China saw a significant upwards to reach a peak of 15% in 1950. Similarly, the fertility rate of the USA declined to the lowest point of nearly 5% in 1954 but later rose to 25% during the period.

In the next 50 years, a sudden downtrend of about 17% was seen in the birth rate of China before fluctuating between 3% and 4%. A similar pattern was seen in the percentage of birth in the USA, as it went down gradually to approximately 7% during most of the period.

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Never neglect to mention the specific starting and ending period of the measurement in the summary. The summary must refer to all the specific highlights as seen in the chart. Make sure that the short form is informative and clear to the point that the report will be a lengthened version only.

The report could have been more detailed in terms of comparisons. There are 4 overlapping measurement points that the writer forgot to include in the reporting paragraphs. These minute details help increase the analytical scoring consideration of the essay.

Information provided is sufficient to achieve a passing score though some deductions will still apply in relation to GRA criteria. Sentence perfection is the goal but a few small deductions due to simple errors in that section will not affect the final score too much. The overall presentation is oherive and oherent just the same.

The line graph illustrates (...) over an 80-year period -80 years. This sentence is a bit unclear.

1. You can not use the phrase "It is noticeable that" from this sentence "It is noticeable that the proportion of fertility ... " because it will lower your score in writing task 1.

2. "After falling to 5% and remaining stable" remaining --> remained(cuz its in the past)