The graph compares the estimated maximum population of elephants across a range of Asian countries

The graph compares the estimated maximum population of elephants in a range of Asian countries in both of year 1997 and 2004.

It is noticeable that the population of elephants was the highest in India , as well as , we can see the interstice between 1997 and 2004 was huge amount in there . On the other hand , remaining regions just were not important due to comparison with India.

In 1997, elephants make up almost 10,000 of the population for India. This was 5,000 higher than the population of elephants in Myanmar and 6,500 more than the population in Thailand. After 7 years passed by, the population of elephants seriously dropped to 7,500. This kind of situation also occoured in Thailand ,from 3,800 to 1,200.

As for other countries , for example Vietnam, Malaysia, SriLanka, Cambodia, Laos and China , the population of elephants were not outstanding in both year. The highest figure just over 3,000 in Malaysia for the former year whileas the lowest merely 500 in China.

Hello
I have some corrections for you

First of all, you have to attach the picture to help us correct your essay.

... population of elephants inacross a range of Asian ... (I recommend you to put your overview in the same paragraph with introduction)

Second, I think you have a problem with using comma. You do not have to give a space to put a comma.

Overall, It is noticeable (...) highest in India, as well as, we can see the interstice between 1997 and 2004 that was a huge amount in there.

..., remaining regions just were not importanthad tiniest proportion due to comparison with India.

In 1997, elephants make up almost ...
In 1997, the population of elephants in India had the greatest number at 10.000

... the population of elephants seriously dropped dramatically to 7,500. This kind of situation also occoured inand it was followed by Thailand ,from 3,800 to 1,200.

Thanks