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Ielts writing task 1 -The graph reveals the information in regard to the ownership


krempetkov 13 / 29 6  
Nov 30, 2016   #1
The graph reveals the information in regard to the ownership rates of both, mobile phones and landlines in seven countries. Overall, the mobile phones were in greated proportion in four of the countries, whereas the landlines were more commonly used in 3 of them.

In Canada, approximately 62 of every 100 people have used landlines, while the number of mobile users was significantly lower. The difference between the amount of mobile phones and alndlines in US was to the Canada's, although the proportions of the both methods of communication were slightly bigger. The highest number of landline users was experienced in Denmark, where more than 85 people per every 100 had a landline.

In Italy was observed the biggest gap between the number of people who have mobile phones and landlines. About 40% of the people had landlines, whereas more than twice as much were the owners of mobile phones. In contrast to Italy, in Germany the difference was not as significant and 70% percent of the german residents owned a mobile phone, while about 60% of them had a landline. In both Sweden and UK around 85 % of the inhabitans used mobile phones, while the usage of landlines was dramatically lower - close to 60% in Uk and nearly 70 in Sweden.

septiadara29 48 / 67 9  
Dec 1, 2016   #2
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your essay.

(1) Overall, the mobile phones were inhad a greated proportion in four of the countries, whereas the landlines were(there is no time frame) more commonly used in 3 of them.

(2) ... number of mobile users was significantly lower.
(3) The difference between the amountnumber of mobile phones ... (why? what happened with the differences?)was to the Canada's?, although the proportions of the both methods ...

(4) In Italy, there was observed the biggest gap ...
(5) About 40% of the people had landlines, (...) twice as muchmany aswere the owners of mobile phones.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Dec 14, 2016   #3
George, you are suggested to complete the description of information in the overview / introduction part in your essay. It is unfortunate that you created only two sentences that can be considered as a weak paragraph. Compressing the information into the two sentences can possible drag your band score down. Format your opening statement into at least three sentences this way:

- The graph reveals... (1st sentence)
- Overall, the mobile phones.. (2nd sentence)
- Meanwhile,... (3rd sentence)


You need to remember that 3 sentences should be written in each paragraph before it can even be considered acceptable by the examiner. The thing is, it would make you present a complete understanding about all the aspects of the chart that you presented. The major criteria in assessing IELTS in terms of Coherence and Cohesion would relate to this issue. Therefore, I suggest you to not doing the same mistake in the next IELTS practice.


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