The graph shows the changing patterns of access to modern technology in homes in the UK over 14 years from 1994.
Overall, the levels of change of these technology devices showed several significant fluctuations throughout the term from 1994 to 2008. We can identify several detailed upward and downward trends. Firstly, the CD player which was created in 1994 occupies about 43% of the total. This device constantly rose until the period between 2004 and 2007, then slightly dropped in the remaining phase. Secondly, a DVD player which was created in 2002 had a sharp jump from about 30% in 2002 to over 80% in 2008. Thirdly, the trend of Mobile phones increased steadily from 1996 to 2005, on the contrary, it decreased gradually in the remaining stage. Finally, the statics of patterns of access to internet connections demonstrated its trend went up dramatically.
In addition, in 2008, the highest and the lowest accounting are the DVD player and internet connections, respectively.
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You have met the minimum word count requirement but not the proper format for the discussion presentation. There should be at least 3 completely developed paragraphs here. The paragraphs are composed of:
1. Summary overview + trending sentence / statement
2. Reporting paragraph set 1
3. Reporting / comparison paragraph set 2
The summary overview should be composed of at least 3 sentences. The type of graph should be properly identified and the collection of information in the current presentation should be spread out in the paragraph as individual sentences. This is not an acceptable summary presentation.
The trending statement should not be a part of the reporting paragraph. The use of pronouns are also frowned upon in a task 1 essay because you are not giving a personal opinion or explanation. The expectation is a generalized form of information presentation that does not use any pronouns. The only reference should be based upon information from the image.
Sadly, I can see the effort that you put into the writing, but you did not meet the minimum qualifications for a passing score just the same. Better luck next time.