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[Task 1] The graph below shows the changing trend of the use of modern technology in homes in the UK

Tung Anh 2 / 3 1  
May 30, 2017   #1

the range of modern technology devices at homes in Britain

The Graph provides information about the changing trend of the use of modern technology in homes in the UK
It can be seen that upward trend is the basic general trenf. As regard the first, the percentage of families using CD players and computer were up over the years with similar pattern, rising steadily from 60% in 1996/1997 to roughly 80% in 2002/2003 for CD player and from approximately 27% to 56% in the same period for home computer.

The data usage of mobile phone started at the lowest point-slightly less than 20%. However, it experienced an gradual increase over the period of time and become the second popular technology in the UK with roughly 70% user.

British families started to use internet access in 1998/1999, but over time, the pattern of this technology sharplu rose and held a share of more than 40% at the end of the period.

In conclusion, it is noticeable that the number of families using CD player in UK always overwhelmed during the period under the study

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,648 4752  
May 30, 2017   #2
@Tung Anh when you develop the opening statement, summarize the forthcoming discussion without offering actual information yet. Your current summary doesn't meet the required criteria so it doesn't help to increase your score. Try to offer longer, informative paragraphs by breaking up the information presentation into sentences within the paragraphs. Aim for at least 3, informative paragraphs in order to display your English abilities. Remember that you need at least 3 sentences to complete a paragraph. While this essay is informative, it has room for better information presentation and improvement. Work on developing better summaries and concluding statements. Analyze the information provided and try to find some information that may not be immediately obvious to present. That helps increase your grammar score.
OP Tung Anh 2 / 3 1  
May 30, 2017   #3
@holt thank you so much
nuradiapuspa 11 / 25  
Jun 9, 2017   #4
Dear @Tung Anh, i'll try to give some corrections and advices that you might find useful..

-For the first paragraph, you can make overview that simply describes the highlight of the graph. For example : "Overall, it can be seen that the improved technologies usage increased over the period given, especially the use of mobile phone which had most significant rise"

-In second paraghraph, you can explain about the rising amount of mobile phone and internet access.-
-The in last paraghrap, you can write the remained, CD player and home computer (which had similar pattern)
You dont need to put conclusion in the last part because you already gave it in the first paragraph (overview)

an a gradual increase over the period of time

Wish us luck :)
baosoftware1 2 / 1  
Jun 9, 2017   #5
Tůng Anh: in the corner of my eyes, you should not give statistics to overall section.

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