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Group members as well as the tour guide both add restrictions to the travel


Asphodel 3 / 7 2  
Apr 15, 2018   #1
Do you agree or disagree:
The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.


the best pleasure from traveling



It's true that the easiest way to go traveling is to leave all the planning work to a travel agency, and just sign in to a group tour led by a tour guide. However, I do have certain concerns, and personal experience as well, which support my belief that traveling in a group led by a tour guide is not the best way.

First, it's much harder to get along very well with a group of people, because you may come from different age groups, and therefore have different interests in many aspects. Take myself for example, I once traveled in a group trip to Taiwan, and we had one schedule for buying some local specialties made of stones. I remember the five old ladies in my group was found of that arrangement, but my friend and I spent the whole afternoon playing games on our phones. Further, this difference of interests would lead to unpleasant situations. Think about it when you were admiring some beautiful art crafts in a museum, while some people in your group are busy taking pictures with their funny postures and talking aloud. How annoying would it be?

On the other hand, the tour guide is another great concern about group trip. Aside from providing comprehensive background knowledge of the sites you are visiting, tour guide in reality often put many stress on their group members. In some extreme cases, tour guides even force their group members to buy things from some specified shops, in order to make much money! But if you think about it in another way that we are living in such a world where information is overwhelming, so we can conveniently get any description we want if we are really curious about the sites on our way. For example, many museums offer audio tour guides on a reasonable price, and you will be free to explore your journey follow your own pace.

To put it in one word, I think group members as well as the tour guide both add restrictions which I want most to get rid of. That's why I don't think it's the best way to travel in a group led by a tour guide.

Please help me with specific suggestions, like grammar mistakes or inappropriate use of words etc., and do I address this topic from an appropriate point of view. Thank you very much!

sisi999 2 / 5 2  
Apr 15, 2018   #2
I hope i do not sound rude but I couldn't read past the second paragraph.

The first thing that stood out for me is jumping between writing in first person and in second person. What do I mean by that could be explained by the following:

"Further, this difference of interests would lead to ..." You were originally talking about yourself and suddenly you say "would lead" instead of "lead us" and later "you....".

Another thing that made me jump out of my seat and directly type you back is the following:
"Think about it when you were admiring some beautiful art crafts in a museum, ... your group are busy taking pictures with their funny postures and talking aloud. How annoying would it be?"

You have managed to add the past, present, and future all at once! If you started with the past tense then definitely follow through with it at least for your example. On another note I crossed out "art crafts" as what the objects you see in a museum are called "artifacts". In addition, it is better to use "poses" instead of "postures" for picture taking.

Also I am not sure of the grading system for the TOEFL exam. Thus, I am not sure if writing in the first person might actually decrease your score. You may need to check on that.

I hope my comment turns out to be helpful in some way.
Holt [Contributor] - / 6,685 1673  
Apr 17, 2018   #3
Tianyi, , this was a pretty good attempt at responding to a direct question essay. However, since you forgot to specify which test you are planning to take, I cannot really give you a specific assessment of your work based on the specific scoring criteria for each test. Please inform me next time about the test you will be taking so that the appropriate review can be provided. With regards to your discussion of this essay,

What I can tell you is this, the last sentence of your first paragraph is a cut and paste of the original prompt phrase for that section. As such, whether it be a TOEFL or IELTS test, you will lose points. You need to use your own original words to describe the prompt and its discussion sentence. You cannot use the same words at all because that shows a limited vocabulary, but a good understanding of the English language on your part. So you will score up in one section and score down in another. That is not an equal balance and it will affect your overall score.

All the English tests prefer that the explanations given by the exam takers be based either on personal experience or popular knowledge. So your reference to your travel experience is good. Offering questions in one paragraph then not responding to it? That's definitely bad. There is no place for rhetorical questions in any English test. Be consistent in your presentation and make sure you always remind the examiner that the information is based on your personal experience. Certain experiences, such as having the tour guide force the tourists to buy from a store is not the norm for most travelers and may be unique to your experience so you need to clarify that in order to use it as a positive reference to increase your scoring points.
OP Asphodel 3 / 7 2  
Apr 17, 2018   #4
@Holt
Thank you for your thorough reply. It really points out something that I've overlooked and I will fix them.
Actually I'm taking the TOEFL test, and I've placed "TOEFL" in the subject of my thread, but it would always be deleted by somebody I assume as administrators. However the replaced subject as well as some "title" thing that appears in Bold Italic form ahead of my essay do not describe my thread any better. I'm new to Essayforum, so I would appreciate it if you could explain that a little bit. You can add TOEFL to the prompt/description of the essay.

And also I'm concerned about if I could write in second person. I had an impression that it's not good to use second person when making an argument, but reorganizing sentences into third person takes me much longer time. So to what extent should I avoid using second person?

@sisi999
Thank you sisi, your answer is really helpful and I will pay more attention to the points you mentioned.


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