Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


Happiness itself differ from one to another and it cannot be explained by words



ifraanisa05 44 / 67  
Nov 7, 2016   #1
Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?

Happiness is a goal for living gained by people in many ways. Happiness itself differ from one to another and it cannot be explained by words because it comes from our feeling that we gained. It is the reason why it is too difficult to define and most of us are still trying to find out the happiness trough life.

A psychologist and author named Dr. Shefali Tsabary defined the happiness. He said that only when we fill our own need and feel satisfied from within can we truly be fulfilled and happy. In his definition, we can conclude that if someone has a desire, they make it happen successfully and gain the happiness. For instance, an artist who finished drawing a beautiful landscape feels happiness even his paint cannot sell to public. But his goal is different from others thinking of him. He wants to finish that and he will be happy. As a result, happiness which is hard to define has various goals from different people.

There are many ways to achieve happiness and everybody have different aspects in gaining happiness. Some of them will be happy if they do a little thing. In contrast, others will gain the happiness if they reach something hard as high as mount everest. For instance, i am happy when i successfully clean my entire room but, my father will be happy if he can reach the highest position in his office. So, happiness in every person can be define in different ways.

To conclude, happiness is everyone's goals and each person has many different things to get the happiness. If we satisfied in something that we reached, we can fulfil our happiness.

akbarmappiare 31 / 445  
Nov 8, 2016   #2
Hello Miss Ifra.
I have read your essay closely and found some which you should improve. I focus on your contents, but I really hope you can review my patches so that you can enhance quality of your essay.

Happiness itself differ from one to another and it cannot be explained ...

Well, you successfully show thesis statement separately. I got points of your opinion. However, you have to analyze there were 2 sentences so that you are supposed to give the statement totally.

What factors are important in achieving happiness?

If you wanna reach a higher score, you have to create the thesis statement clearly about your view, whereas those are only described by one or two words.

A psychologist and author named Dr. Shefali Tsabary defined the happiness

The main aim of essay is to demonstrate your analyze and opine so that you avoid the opinion of others in the first sentence. I think it can be used to encourage your opinion. It will make the expert's opinion more dominant.

In his definition, we can conclude that if someone has a desire, they make ...

Honestly, you unsuccessfully touched the prompt. The question asks you to explain why the happiness is difficult to define. Fine, you explain little in the least sentence, but you did not explain systematically and did not give logic flow.

Turning to the second body paragraph, your explanations were out of the topic. Please, focus on the prompts. those all can make your score fall down whereas your grammar is very good. one of the essential factors is task response. I really hope you can show the positive progress in the next term.

Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK
:D


Home / Writing Feedback / Happiness itself differ from one to another and it cannot be explained by words
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳