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Is health education the answer to the consumption of junk food? IELTS essay

anh2903 1 / -  
Sep 7, 2015   #1
Prompt: recent research shows that the consumption of junk food is a major factor in poor diet and this is detrimental to health. Some people believe that better health education is the answer to this question. What is your opinion?

Junk food consumption is undoubtedly detrimental to health. In order to tackle this unhealthy diet which is becoming more and more popular, some people deem health education as the most reliable method. Efficient as it seems, health education alone is not enough to deal with the booming prevalence of junk food.

Educating people about food helps them to maintain a healthy diet and refrain from eating junk food. With the help of education consumers are able to know the nutrients in their food; hence, they are more likely to eat those that actually promote their health by enriching their body with natural vitamins. Besides constructing their own healthy diet, people could also realize the harmful effects of junk food on their circulation and metabolism system; as a result, consumers will turn away from junk food once they are well educated about their own health.

Although health education is a effective measure to reduce junk food consumption, it is simply inadequate for totally tackling this issue. The government should play an active role eliminating junk fod by imposing higher taxes on the selling of these unhealthy food. Because junk food is extremely popular thanks to its cheap prices, consumers will eventually turn away from it once the government takes action to eradicate this appealing factor. Also, by reducing the number of advertisement about junk food on TV, the government will be able to curb the growing popularity.

In conclusion, it requires not only health education, but also other measures conducted by the government to solve the headachy issue of junk food
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Sep 7, 2015   #2
I would like to help you with your essay.

You could change the first sentence: Junk food consumption can be is undoubtedly detrimental to one's health. Here is an alternative way to begin the last sentence in the first paragraph: "Although it seems efficient,..."

I think this second paragraph is well-constructed or very good. Yet, I'm concerned that by stating the benefits, you maybe avoiding the question. Your opinion was regarding health education as an efficient measure, but not enough to stop the prevalence of junk food. Here is how you could change it: Does looking at the nutrients in foods help people avoid bad choices? What if the junk food is cheaper or tastes good?

You could add contradictions to help you. Ex: "Educating people about food can help them to maintain a healthy diet and refrain from eating junk food." However, this lifestyle could be difficult for them to maintain. This is a contradiction because you say that education will help, but this has to be a behavior that continues. This is similar to your opinion, because you think education is not enough.

If you continue to do this in your second paragraph, you will have more ideas to support your opinion.

3rd paragraph: Place "an" before effective. Place "in" before eliminating. Advertisements should be "advertisements".

4th paragraph: I was unaware that headachy was a word, but a better choice of word is "difficult". You could add two or more sentences to summarize for a better conclusion.
Bayuwibowo 48 / 73 21  
Sep 10, 2015   #3
Hello Anh2903

I suppose it is IELTS task 2.

for IELTS task 2 maybe will be better if you use this scheme.

Paragraph 1: Introduction (include your statement agree/disagree)
Paragraph 2: Explanation of agree with the question
Paragraph 3: Explanation of Disagree with the question
Paragraph 4: Your conclusion

This hopefully can help


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