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IELTS - Junk food consumption Vs Health


Sogdiana 1 / 1  
Jan 30, 2014   #1
"It is noticeable that fast food consumption has increased substaintially during the last 10 years. discuss it`s impact on environment and health."
Junk food or Fast food as it often reffered to become more popular and common in our society nowadays.People, especially children are the most vulnerable group affected by the accessibility of the junk food because of the numerous snack machines they have in educational institutions.Day by day they become more enhanced and easied the process of producing, thus increasing the number of consumers. This alarming fact indicates polluted environment. Fast food initially seemed like the best solution for profitable business brought up to consumering society and contaminated environment as the result. Cups, plates and others that have been produced cheaply so that it can be thrown away after it has been used. Tinned and overpackaged food causing damages or what is worse cause dangerous viruses jeoparadizing people`s health.

Health problems that we can observe now are gradually become a serious question.A number of people suffering from obesity, especially in western countries significantly increasing every year.Consuming meals rich in cholesterol jeoparadize the human`s health and often cause indigestion and cardiovascular deseases as a consequence.Obesity, however should not only be blamed on fast food industry since any other meal even if it prepared at home can have as much amount of lipid and amino acids as the former.

As far as I concerned about physical condition I would prefer to hold healthy lifestyle with the minimum or no junk food in there. And I beleive if everyone will care about health and will not spend too much time satisfying starvation and hammer in intestines with mutton will preserve not only health, but help to reduce the level of pollution as well.

I want you to help me with my writting in order to know my weak points. Will be very gratefull if you give me appropriate solutions and comments.Thank you in advance))

fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jan 30, 2014   #2
when you want to submit ielts writing task whether task 1 or 2, you should give the question to attract readers to correct your essay.

also, I suggest you to pay more attention with punctuation, so that, the readers will understand the points that you want to deliver in your essay
Alison 5 / 13  
Jan 30, 2014   #3
Be careful with the vocabularies. And try to improve word choice.
fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jan 30, 2014   #4
that's right,,this is one of the common mistake of ielts takers
OP Sogdiana 1 / 1  
Jan 30, 2014   #5
Thank you very much. Sure that all the advices will help me next time.
Fardhani Putri 23 / 46 7  
Jan 31, 2014   #6
Please be attention with your introduction because your first paragraph is too long.
You can divide into introduction and general
example

Junk food or Fast food as it often reffered to become more popular and common in our society nowadays.People, especially children are the most vulnerable group affected by the accessibility of the junk food because of the numerous snack machines they have in educational institutions.

that's could be your intro and the following statement could be body para 1

Day by day they become more enhanced and easied the process of producing, thus increasing the number of consumers. This alarming fact indicates polluted environment. Fast food initially seemed like the best solution for profitable business brought up to consumering society and contaminated environment as the result. Cups, plates and others that have been produced cheaply so that it can be thrown away after it has been used. Tinned and overpackaged food causing damages or what is worse cause dangerous viruses jeoparadizing people`s health.

Then you should discuss this essay, follow the instructions.

"It is noticeable that fast food consumption has increased substaintially during the last 10 years. discuss it`s impact on environment and health."

Good Luck for your next essays :)
indah_hai 19 / 38 4  
Jan 31, 2014   #7
People, especially children are the most vulnerable ...

Especially children, they are the most vulnerable group who could affectedby the accessibility of the junk food because of the numerous snack.

they have in educational institutions.

I don't think this sentence is connected with previous sentence, so I prefer to reduce it.

Day by day

... it is usually day-by-day

process of producing

This alarming fact

... be careful this statement could be out of topic.

P.S. Please take carefully of your coma (,), dot(.), and space


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