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Why helmets don't prevent concussions and what might; TED


fauziyahtami 22 / 38 6  
Oct 3, 2016   #1
Bicycling is one of children concussion causes. The helmet hasn't assessed the ability to protect the brain from concussion. Helmets has not assessed for protection ability. Many experts believe that concussion cannot be prevented. Shortly, concussion process occurs when brain smacked with skull and getting damaged and injured. This theory is not all right since probably concussion is more than impact but deeper. There is a space inside of the brain, only a few millimeters from skull which contain cerebral spinal fluid. The function of spinal fluid is to protect the brain so that the brain just shifted slightly. The brain illustrated as a rigid object, but in fact, the brain is a softest organ. When the brain moves back and forward, the brain was twisting, turning and contorting and the tissues are getting starched. A concussion is unlikely something at the surface but something deeper in the center.

A simulation which recorded by mouth-guard showed the red spot. The red spot described that brain tissues are 50% starched from the particular area while the blue spot is around exterior has only 10 % starched. Corpus callosum is the lobes at the center of the brain. The ex-football player had larger lobes than normal. His corpus callosum getting chronic traumatic encephalopathy which had a lot of death tissue. The point of decrease concussion is to slow down our head movement.

sasariri 17 / 25  
Oct 3, 2016   #2
Hi Fauziyah...
Let me give you some advice..

.. The helmet hasn't assessed the ability to protect ... Helmets has not assessed for protection ability.it has a similar meaning with the sentence before
alfa7 19 / 26 1  
Oct 3, 2016   #3
Hello Fauziyahtami, I want you gain some suggestion from me.

here we go:

The helmet hasn'tnot assessed the ability ...

in writing, please avoid the reducing words like "don't" or "haven't"

... concussion is more than impact butalso deeper.

conjuction "but" should explain something has a big contrast.

... turning and contorting and the tissues are getting starched.

too many "and" words

... brain tissues are 50%[you can paraphrase this word with "five in ten"] starched from the particular ...

note: keep writing and go ahead
Fitri12 28 / 53 6  
Oct 3, 2016   #4
Hi fauziah...sharing is fun, right? So let me suggest the followings

You may combain these two sentences into one: The helmet hasn't assessed ... Helmets has not assessed ... (The helmet has not been assessed for protection purposes such as to avoid the brain's concussion)

Please pay attention to the flow of your writing and its sense of meaning. Conjunction can be used to have a fascinating writing. Keep practicing. Thanks.
Aris05 31 / 24 1  
Oct 3, 2016   #5
Hai fauziyah, here are my thoughts

The helmet hasn't has not assessed the ability to ...

Helmets hashave not assessed for protection ability.

Shortly, concussion process occurs when brain smacked s with skull and getting s damaged and injured.

That's it. I wish it could be useful
Best regard
anageecantu 1 / 5 1  
Oct 31, 2016   #6
Hello!

I think it's good that you referenced sources for your essay, but I think before you move on for more specific revisions you should fix general typos and flaws in structure. I'm not sure if your second paragraph gets cut off, but the shift to mention the source is somewhat abrupt.

Still, good job!


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