can you take a look at my eassy and tell me if i'm doing something wrong or if there a lot of missing point in my eassy.
How to Solve the Problem of Gang Violence in School
Violence has increased in our schools, within the past four years; there are thirty or more teachers and students being killed. Many of these problems that cause violence, such as drugs, gangs, guns, and television programs are all problems linked to violence. Students of single parents are more compelled to join gangs because no male figure is in the home, feeling of abandonment, and being intimidated in school by other students. With gang violence growing, in the last few years schools are now looking for solutions to solve gang violence. Many schools are trying to solve the problem in their school by having gang prevention programs, adding more police officers, having hall monitors, and educating parents on how to be aware of sign or symbols if they suspect their child might be in a gang.
One way schools are trying to stop gang violence is having gang prevention program, at school to teach students that joining gangs is not the solution to their problems.
Having more police in schools has minimized gangs active in school, and keeping them from entering school. And by having hall monitors helps prevents students from hanging in halls and bathrooms while schools are in session.
Parents are being educated by police and the gang prevention program to be aware of their child or children being in a gang. Parents are taught to spot signs, symbols, and the clothes they wear, as well as colors. Stopping gang violence in school will prevent students and teachers from being killed.
School that have police doesn't have to be extreme to get there point across. But; have security camera can be a start.
Here are my suggestions
=> Violence has increased in our schools within the past four years
=> Many of these problems that cause violence, such as drugs, gangs, guns, and television programs
=> With gang violence growing in the last few years, schools are now looking for solutions to solve gang violence.
=> Many schools try to solve the problem by having gang prevention programs, adding more police officers..
=> Trying to stop gang violence, schools provide students prevention program that teaches joining gangs is not the solution for solving problems.
=> Parents learn to spot gang members' signs, symbols, and clothes, as well as their colors...(I like it in active voice)
=> School that has police doesn't have to be extreme to get there point across but has security camera that can be started.<=rewrite this sentence, it's confused!
-You have some punctuation errors, and somehow you're afraid to use direct, action verb like this =>; e.g.,"I eat banana". Don't be afraid to use simple present tense in your writing:Exp, "Schools provide three methods against gang violence" instead of "schools are trying to reduce gang by having students..." I mean, it's OKIE to write the latter form but for varying sentences, you can choose to write in different types of sentence. Also, you can consider using conjunctive adverb; those are: in addition, besides, finally, moreover,...
You are not doing badly off. you definitely have the gist of what you intend to write about and the sequence you have decided to adopt in ordering your ideas isn't bad either. So far so good but if you need any form of help in doing such essays in the future, I know of a certain site that is very good at that, here's the link just in case you opt to work with them.
Great corrections here:
Violence has increased in our schools within the past four years; more than thirty teachers and students have been killed in the past...
Having more police in schools has minimized gangs activity in school, and it has kept them from entering schools.
And by Also, having hall monitors helps prevent students from hanging around in halls and bathrooms while schools are in session.
:-)
