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Am I hero? The Epic Ed Snowden



Giansy11 18 / 30  
Sep 19, 2016   #1
Ed Snowden become the fundamental since he divulge the big secret of NSA. Starting in 2014, he e has been the most dangerous of United States government, especially National Security Agency (NSA). Before he did, he was work as a one of NSA's agents, and he suddenly divulge NSA confidential documents to the public. And as the result, citizens know every violations conducted NSA data breach user privacy concerning internet and telecommunication world is revealed.

Because of his bold actions, Ed Snowden, as known as whistle-blower be arrested by America and Germany Police.
Even though he has much follower, and has title as a traitor, a hero, but he prefer to say himself as an American and I'm a citizen, just like everyone else.

124 words
source : youtube.com/watch?v=yVwAodrjZMY

Anaguna 21 / 26  
Sep 20, 2016   #2
Hi Giansy, here some corrections are added regarding on your summary in order to improve your capacity in writing.

1. You have to think twice before write down the sentence especially about the subject-verb agreement.
For instance, "Ed Snowden become" > "Ed Snowden becomes ", "he divulge the big secret of NSA" > "he divulges the big secret of NSA", "he was work" > "he was working ", "he suddenly divulge NSA confidential documents" > "he suddenly divulged NSA confidential documents".

2. For this sentence "... and has title as a traitor, a hero, but he prefer to ...", I reckon that it will be better if you just abolish the word "but" since you have been utilizing "even though" in front of your sentence. My suggestion is "Even though he has much follower and has title as either a traitor or a hero, he prefer to claim himself as an American and a citizen, just like everyone else."

Thanks.


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