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some high school leavers choose to work/travel; a matter of personal preference



zztrieuman 3 / 4  
Mar 26, 2014   #1
In some countries, some high school leavers are choosing to work or travel for a period of time before going to the university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for those school leavers' decision. Give your own opinion and reasons using your own experience.

Nowadays, an increasing number of students determine to seek a job or take a trip for a period of time after graduation from the senior high school. Yet, there remain some arguments as to whether the overall effect of this trend has been positive or negative. While there are certainly valid arguments to the contrary, I personally believe that this movement has both sides of good and bad and need to be considered more deeply.

One the bright sides, students have to cope with a plenty of stress and burden when they are in senior high school. Hence, they need to relax themselves after years of hard study, so travelling or working are two of the best options. Besides, only through working, high school guarantees could learn more working experience and marketable skills, which they by no means acquired from their teacher. Moreover, after traveling around the world, they can also broaden their horizons, appreciate natural landscape and even get close to the nature to take a fresh breath.

However, some problems have been identified and need to be accessed. After a period of working or traveling, many students might forget what they have learned from their senior high school and find it difficult to start studying again. Moreover, when students can make money from their hand, some may feel that they could stand alone without further education. In fact, university and college will improve their job prospects as well as offer more opportunity for well-paid jobs and high standard of living. A recently American report has announced that the average salary of university guarantees are higher approximately 25 percent than those who do not have college degree.

To put all in a nutshell, I pen out saying that taking a breaking time period or go straight to the university is a matter of personal preference. From my perspective, students may lose their experience and chance in their life if they do not attend to the university as they can travel or work after graduation.

dumi 1 / 6795  
Mar 26, 2014   #2
I personally believe that this movement has both sides of good and bad effectson high school leaversand need to be considered more deeply.
tiaDS 73 / 222  
Mar 26, 2014   #3
In some countries, some high school leavers are choosing to work or travel for a period of time before going to the university.

first sentence of prompt

Nowadays, the habit of some high school graduates are changing. an increasing number of students Some students tend determine to seek a job or , while others take a trip for a period of time after graduation from the senior high school.

the prompt isn't mention about increasing a number of students.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for those school leavers' decision.

second sentence of prompt

Yet, there remain some arguments as to whether the overall effects of this trend has been positive or negative.

There are positive and negative impacts of this phenomenon.

Give your own opinion and reasons using your own experience.

third sentence of prompt

While However, there are certainly valid arguments to the contrary. I personally believe that this movement has both sides of good and bad effects and need to be considered more deeply .

You attempted to paraphrase the prompt, but some words don't have appropriate meaning same as the prompt. You can follow dumi's suggestion to make good introduction. As a reader, when i read your introduction i can guess that you will explain positive and negative impacts in your body paragraphs. Basically, i like your essay because you use linked to keep coherence among sentence. I have pattern to compose body paragraph perhaps you can adopt this pattern in your essay.


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