Toefl - high school should open basic economic course to the their students

Contemporarily , The pressure of high school student are increasing ,and the students have to face the various challenges everday ,before they're admitted in a University .They have no time to do anything else .however, I'm convinced that high school student should take a course on basic economic ,and my reasons can be articulated as follow.

Initially, one issue which makes me bolster my viewpoint is that broadening my horizon .The basic economic may make the students' boring life colorful .Also ,It would give a chance the student who has a gift in economic. For example ,My cousin has a talent for economic ,due to his parents always showed much interests in economic and sometimes teaches him a little bit about economics .After high school ,my cousin majored in economic ,and his professor teasures him ,Therefore ,I think it benefit for students to take a course on basic course.

Secondly ,That he more students major in economic may advocate the development of the social ,These students will be contribute their own school and social,and The less students can't find the jobs ,which can decrease the stress of social.

Admittly ,increasingly students appeal that the pressure of study is too much ,they have no spare time to learn another subject ,but ,It's common phenomenon that many undergraduates have few economic knowledge ,and it may obstruct a adult to get a better work ,so it's considerable that high students should take a course on basic economics .In addition ,I think that the basic economic could be a selective course,which give the choice to students.

From what has been discussed above ,I supposed that high school should open basic economic course to the their students

i think your ideas are not strong enough, try to work on it... becides, the third paragraph seems too short for supporting ideas.

In my opinion your arguments will be more impressive, if you write your essay again. I`m not a teacher, but like a reader I`m not convinced of your thesis. :))

Hi there, I see some great help being given in this thread. Thanks, everyone!

I'll give a few ideas...

Con temporarily, The the pressure on high school student is increasing and the students have to face the various challenges ever day before they're admitted to a University.

They have no time to do anything else.---Good sentence!

Capitalize: however However, I'm convinced that high school students should...

Again, do not capitalize here:
Secondly, That that the more students major learn about economics the more they can advocate for the development of the social progress.

Admittly ,increasingly students appeal complain that the pressure of their studies is too much and that they have no spare time to learn another subject, but it's a common phenomenon that many undergraduates have insufficient economic knowledge. this lack of knowledge may obstruct them from getting a good job, so it's important for high school students to take a course on basic economics.

:-)