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Highly-invented-sophisticated technology have most important impact on living standards of mankind


Dipa19 8 / 13  
Aug 29, 2016   #1
There has been major advances in technology over recent decades and this has led to significant improvement in people's live agree/disagree

Introduction
In this era, some believe that highly-invented-sophisticated technology have most important impact on living standards of mankind. In my standpoint I agree with that statement, because advances technology make people have a lifestyle of hedonism and change people's mindset to leave traditional lifestyle.

Conclusion
To conclude, it is immensely clear that cutting-edge of technology have an important influence on people's over recent decades. I would suggest that people do not affect the lavish lifestyle and remains yourself.
Terminal23 6 / 10  
Aug 29, 2016   #2
hai dipa, i try comment your passage.

In my standpoint, i agree with that statement cause advances technology make people have a lifestyle of hedonism and change people's people mindset to leave traditional lifestyle.

... have an important influence on people's people over recent decades.
... not affect the lavish lifestyle and remains yourself. become yourself.
dinartika19 37 / 67 6  
Aug 30, 2016   #3
Hi Dipar!

technology have the most important impact

In my standpoint I agree with thatthe statement, because advances technology make people have a lifestyle of hedonismhedonism lifestyle and change people's mindset to leave traditionalmodern lifestyle.

on people's habit over recent decades

I would suggest that people doshould not affected by the lavish lifestyle and remains yourself.
ibal28 20 / 30 5  
Aug 30, 2016   #4
Hi Dipa19 . This is my correction for you :)

Introduction
In this era (you can change the words with recently or in this globalization era) , some people believe that (...) technology have the most important impact ...

In my standpoint I agree with that statementit , because advances technology can make people to have a luxury lifestyle of hedonism and could change people's mindset ...

Conclusion
To conclude (you can change with to sum up) , it is immensely clear (...) important influence on people'speople over recent decades. I would suggest that people do not affect the lavish lifestyle and remains yourself (i don't understand what you want to say).

Keep writing !!
aidafitria18 9 / 14 1  
Aug 30, 2016   #5
Hello. i think it's too short to become an essay in IELTS test since we know it should be at least 250 words. between an introduction and conclusion you need an opinion and discussion about the problem. so you can't conclude the essay wthout explain the problem an give your opinion about it. may it help you :)
rian31 14 / 22  
Sep 13, 2016   #6
hi dipa
here my suggestion for you

In this era, some believe that highly-invented- sophisticated technology have most ...
In my standpoint, I agree(...), because advances technology make people have a lifestyle of hedonismmodern lifestyle and change people's mindset ...

Conclusion
... clear that cutting-edge of technology have an important influence on people's over recent decades.
mem77 62 / 98 6  
Sep 13, 2016   #7
Hello Dipa, it was nice to see your essay. overall, your topic is good for us and i really interested with yours. but, i have some note for you to make your essay more good.

on your first sentence, you write "In this era, some....," i think your sentence did not have a subject. i suggest you to give a subject like "In this era, some people ......" to make your writing more colorful. and also on the conclusion part, it is better to use "..... and remind yourself" rather than "..... and remains yourself."

i thinks that is enough from me and keep practice dipa!


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