'History is a source of patriotism' - I E L T S - studying the past

TOPIC I E L T S: to some people studying the past has little value in the modern world. Why do you think it is important to do so? What wil be the effect if children are not taught history.

History is a source of patriotism. In my opinion, depreciating the history and supporting that the past has little value in the world are great mistakes. Firstly, well all have to respect our culture, language, country and of course our nationality. Lack of respect to our history will definitely seperate us from 'us'

Secondly, learning The history is one of the biggest parts of our culture. BUt it does not only cultural issue, but also by learning the history person can make big and right decisions in his or her life.If you are head of something , or you are political or diplomatic person ,then hIstoric or diplomatic knowledge will help you much more than you expected

The will be negative effects on children ,if the history are not taught well in schools.it has always been important subject, i believe will be the best in the future. However , if one day it will lose its popularity among the countries ,we all as humans will lose our personality .I do not want to see all the nations around the wordl to become cosmopolitan.we dont have to lose our cultural diversity.

There are some main branches have to be taught in schools. From my point of view, history is on them. The educational policy without the history sounds ridiculous and international community probably will be able to suffer from its consequences

I think your essay is clumsy. Remember IELTS is a test which tests how clearly and effectively you deliver your thought in English. CLEAR CLEAR CLEAR, that's the key. there's no need to use lengthy sentences with unnecessary words while lack supporting examples.

Rewrite this essay. Try to make things related to each other rather than just beat around the bush

It's a bit confusing essay. You don't exactly state your point.

you are right .i do not know how to start and finish. But i will try to write less confusing
next time

Let me help you.
I am preparing for TOEFL.
IELTS and TOEFL follow the same pattern in writing.
Your essay should have:
An introduction
At least two body paragraphs
And a conclusion.
Also your essay should be 250-300 words.
Last but not least try to write clearly and coherently.
Best Wish.

thank you Stella. can you check my last ielts essay about competitive sports ,i believe i did something right this time.. i am really trying hard. Because it is really very difficult for me to write in english...