Who holds the duty to take measures against environmental degradation? IELTS Task 2

IELTS Task 2: Topic Environment

Hello!
I am an IELTS learner and I am trying to improve my writing skill. I am not sure what level I am recently so please tell me what band this task might have.

I am dying to know your comments because this is the third time I have written this task. I have already fixed plenty of things because those were so bad. Please feel free to comment. Thank you!

Topic: Individual actions have little or no effect on climate change. For this reason, worthwhile change can only be made at governmental level.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days, it is evident that environmental degradation has become a global issue to be solved as soon as possible. To handle this obstacle, some people think that the regime holds the duty to take measures because individuals make small or even no positive effect on preventing global warming. However, I strongly disagree with this. In my perspective, we all hold the responsibility to protect our planet from threatening.

First of all, it is untrue that small actions cannot make any differences in the environment. Even though in fact, the impacts of authorities and other enterprises can play an indispensable role, the importance of people's awareness is still necessary. For instance, because our main source of energy is fossil fuels, if all the citizens in the country take some small positive movements like turning off the lights when they are unnecessary or replacing private vehicles with public transports, the regime of the country can save a huge amount of energy. As a result, the nation can reduce the carbon dioxide emissions contaminating the air as well as saving the national budget.

In addition to personal measures, if one single person takes steps, then it is likely that the others will be inspired to do the same. The awareness of that community will raise highly, which encourages them to take further steps such as organizing a green campaign or founding a club which enhances other citizens' awareness about the Earth's issues.

In conclusion, climate change is a difficult issue that needs a long-term measure. Nevertheless, in my opinion, not only do the high authorities take responsibility, but also the citizens are responsible for that. I strongly believe that with just a small but environmentally-friendly action, we can make a huge difference on our planet.

@maria4506
Hello!

Welcome to the forum. Let's take a look at your essay to help you.

Be cautious of the construction of your sentence structure. I notice that you have a tendency to create lengthy sentences that do not necessarily abide by academic/appropriate standards. If you can strip down and omit particular terms that are irrelevant to the overall content, I recommend that you do so. This technique will help you sharpen your writing.

Use appropriate terms as well when you are writing. The issue is sometimes that we cannot determine the forms that we need to use for a specific word. When in doubt, it's always beneficial to double check with other people or reference materials. This will train you to proofread your own work with ease.

In addition, don't capitalize the word earth - this is neither a pronoun nor a special word that requires this formatting.

All of these comments are mostly tied to the essay's overall structure.

Let's revise a few portions of your essay.

It is evident nowadays that environmental degradation has become a global issue that needs to be urgently solved.* To get through this obstacle, some people say that the government should take policy-based measures because individuals cannot have drastic impacts. However, I strongly disagree; I think we all hold the responsibility to protect our planet.

*Notice how saying urgently instead of saying "to be solved as soon as possible" created more space in your essay. Using terms that will optimize your content will go a long way.

Apply these comments to your essay. Best of luck as always!

Thank you so much for your help!