Unanswered [11] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS task 2: The Duty to Educate Children


monopolymi 4 / 8  
Oct 2, 2017   #1
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

responsibility for kids schooling



There is much controversy about whether schools and teachers should take the responsibility to educate children to become people who can bring positive effects to our society. However, I believe that parents should be the role models for their children and educate them.

There are several reasons why some people might think school is a suitable place for children to learn to behave. Firstly, the main purpose of attending school is to acquire knowledge and socialize. Students can not only learn fundamental knowledge but also study how to communicate with others at school. As a result, teachers should focus on students' performance at both academy and social behavior. Secondly, peers play an important role on affecting children' behavior. Since teenagers can easily be influenced by their classmates and friends, a good environment and education become crucial for leading them to become good members of society.

In spite of the above arguments, parents should take more responsibility for their children. The main reason is that parents have to take care of their children whom they give birth to. Parents should spend more time than teachers to educate and company their children when they grow up. Another factor is that children imitate their parents' action. Parents should act as a positive role model to encourage their children to become good members of society and prevent them from setting up negative habits, such as smoking, gambling and breaking laws.

In conclusion, although schools can educate students to have good behavior, I think that parents, the people give birth to their children, should take more responsibility and put more effort on teaching their next generation.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,252 3656  
Oct 2, 2017   #2
Irene, there are 2 major problems with the essay that you wrote. The first, is that the prompt is not properly paraphrased in your essay. The second, is that you discussed only one of the two opinions and completely forgot to present your point of view. Both mistakes ended up lowering your overall score due to prompt deviations.

With regards to the first problem, the mistakes in your presentation are simple enough to correct. You have to avoid exaggerations and stick to only the original information provided. Overstatements such as "much controversy" when that is not indicated in the essay tends to change the original prompt indications and as such, create a lie in the delivery of information to the reader. Always be truthful by sticking to the original sentiments of the topic provided and its instructions. Here's a sample:

There is a discussion as to who is truly responsible for the education of children when it comes to making them good members of society. A group of people believe that it is the school that should be in charge of this task. Others, explain that it is the duty of the schools to teach the kids about good manners and right conduct when in a social setting. This essay will discuss both points of view prior to my offering of my personal opinion on the matter.

You need to only clearly explain what the original prompt is all about, the discussion points, and the method of presentation in order to create a proper opening statement. You need not exaggerate the presentation and you do not need to indicate your opinion at the very start since you cannot complete your opinion discussion in the opening paragraph due to sentence maximum issues.

Your point of view is always the last presentation of the 3 body paragraphs. Don't forget that. It cannot be presented as an "I think" sentence in the conclusion because you are expected to fully explain yourself in relation to your opinion before you conclude the essay. Therefore, you have an open ended instead of a closed essay presentation. You always need the closed essay presentation in order to get a good score.
sarahna 4 / 10 2  
Oct 3, 2017   #3
Hi Chang,

I suggest the following conclusion revised from your own:
In conclusion, the fact that schools can educate students to have a good behavior should not stop parents from taking more responsibility to teach their children.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: The Duty to Educate Children