Homework is unnecessary, do you agree?

the effects of homework

The opinion whether to give homework or not usually lies at the heart of controversies related to education. There are many perspectives that the setting of homework on a daily basis is unnecessary. I am completely in favor of this statement.

First and foremost, it is undeniable that assigning homework plays a vital role in helping pupils gain a deeper understanding of lessons learned. However, giving an excessive load of homework every day can be counter-productive as it produces unwanted stress and puts them under drastic pressure. Many students have to stay up late at night to fulfill their assignments for fear of getting bad marks. This results in bad health, especially they are in developing stage as well as affects their concentration in the next day. As a consequence, they are not only unhealthy, both physically and mentally, but they are also bad at academic performance in the long term.

What is more, homework assigned on a daily basis indeed minimise students' spare time for family, friends and extracurricular activities. Homework every day prevents them from going out and relaxing. They do not have opportunities for interacting with the society and learn assorted soft skills and valuable lessons, which are very crucial to be successful in their life. That is why without the overload of homework, it stands students in good stead, as they have more chances to help their parents doing housework, to play with their friends and get involved with things they really passionate. A small amount of homework can do it good, but daily assignment should be discouraged. Take Finland for instance, they always top the world in the face of educational quality and their system is completely free from homework.

In the nutshell, I subscribe to the idea that giving homework everyday is unbeneficial. The burden of excessive homework, allied with limiting students time is detrimental. Homework should be given out less, we do not need to abolish, but to lessen.

I might agree with you on several matters. However, as a reader I felt the essay's tone was angry and frustrated. This could be due to just bashing the current system of daily assigned homework without expanding your ideas and suggestions of a definite alternative. Also it's confusing to state of "many perspectives" and not to state them or who's perspectives are they. Another point I noticed was "pupils" and "they are in developing stage" gave me hints that you are talking about the homework system with regards to children only. It would be a stronger argument if you clearly stated that within your introductory paragraph. Moreover, when you say "assorted soft skills and valuable lessons", it it important to actually explain further. It is best to always assume your general audience do not know everything and thus defining new terms such as "assorted soft skills" would create a stronger argument. The exception to that is simply knowing your audience i.e. this argument will be assessed by the committee of so and so or such.

Other than that there are few suggestions I would like you to consider:

This results may result in bad health, especially since they are in their developing stages as well as affects their concentration may be damaged in the next day. ... they are also bad at paving the way for a weak academic performance ...

... indeed minimises students' spare...
...for interacting with the society and learn learning assorted...
...it stands students in good stead... --> this statement is confusing as "stead" means a substitute for something or someone
...housework, to play with their friends, and get involved with things they are really passionate about...
...daily assignment should not be discouraged encouraged...
... educational quality and one of the reasons is their system is being completely free from homework free.
In the nutshell... --> I would suggest using a more formal linking phrase such as For these reasons, or In short,

I hope my feedback is helpful :)

Thanks for your correction, it's helpful!

Anny, your essay is not accurately representative of the required discussion. You can see that you only have 4 paragraphs in the presentation of a 5 paragraph essay. Since this is not an IELTS Task 1 essay, you will fall short in scoring considerations because you did not fully develop your discussion of the given prompt topic. I also do not believe that you accurately paraphrased the original prompt as you indicated in the opening statement. That statement is usually a 5 sentence outline of the original prompt. I feel that there is missing information in that paragraph but I cannot pinpoint the specific missing information because you did not post the original prompt along with your response. Kindly post the original prompt next time you post an essay because my review of your work, as a contributor at this forum, will always be incomplete without that reference.

Your biggest mistake in this essay is that you only used a 3 sentence personal opinion presentation as the concluding presentation of the essay. This is a highly common error among the IELTS Task 2 writers. The concluding paragraph needs to be a stand alone paragraph that discusses your opinion and offers insights into the essay topic along with personal experience or examples. That is why it cannot be a concluding statement of the essay.

The concluding statement is a review and summary of the previous discussion in 3-5 sentences. It restates the prompt, offers the recap of the discussion points, and then restates your personal opinion, prior to the closing sentence of the essay.

Your essay also uses words such as "controversial", which I am sure, was not indicated or implied in the original prompt. If the situation implied in the original prompt does not indicate a "hot button" topic so to speak, avoid over descriptive words. These opinion essays are never "controversial or debatable", these are always "discussions or stated opinions". Exaggerated terms may sound nice to the writer but to the educated writer, the examiner, he knows that you are not accurately informing the reader of the facts so he can score you down for that. The opening statement is all about paraphrasing accuracy. Stick to the discussion, without exaggeration or you risk changing the slant of the discussion and thus, deviating to a certain extent from the original prompt, which will result in points deductions for you.

this sentence seems like a memorizing sentence. and I think rather than putting this as a controversial issue you can use debatable/arguable. What I learn from my teacher is, the word 'Controversial ' sounds too strong.

starting a paragraph using 'What is more' is not formal. you can use some other conjunction words with the same meaning.
ex: moreover, furthermore

other than that I would suggest you use more formal phases for following,
In the nutshell, : in conclusion, To conclude
That is why: Therefore

From the skills I have developed from authoring several essays, I have come to realize that it is often best to use one word terms instead of several worded terms so long the meaning won't be lost.

Hence:
First and foremost should Firstly

Others have been pointed out.

Cheers.