Human intervention vs machines

Human intervention vs machines

With the cultivation of humans' capabilities into machines being on the upward trajectory, there has been a general consensus on the disposal of conventional ways of living. However, from my own perspective, as beneficial as technologies may appear to be, traditional human intervention is still of high demand for the prosperity of the society.

To begin with, there are lots of benefits that we can merit from the integration of technologies and humans' daily life. To be more specific, the infiltration of computers and machines into organizations and factories has automated the production line. And thus, never in mankind history have factories been humbling with the sound of assembly arms which reduces the labor force resulting in the manufacture cost being cut down. This has greatly enhanced public's accessibility to general products regardless of economic hierarchy and or financial background. Extending to humans' welfare scale, the implication of modern technologies into surgery would mean that surgical procedures can now be operated with submillimeter accuracy rendering the patients free of after-effects from the operation.

On the other hand, as far as I am concerned, there are cases in which human intervention is prevailing over technologies with education being a typical case in point. While the implementation of visual aids in classrooms, online search machines and courses could greatly improve educational process, such technologies, however, could not replace traditional lecture halls. Particularly, only teachers could make objective assessment on progress made by each students and thereby devise corresponding teaching strategies and adjust their teaching pace appropriate for the needs of their pupils. Such actions cannot, obviously, be done by mere machines.

To sum up, although the integration of technologies has positively affected every facet of our lives, our conventional ways of living is still dispensable and necessary for the functionality of our community.

I am taking the TOEFL. So I would be grateful if you could rate it over the scale of 30. Thank you!!

Lacusclyne, I'm not a native speaker either, but I'll try to help you by highlighting (red) some words you might consider replacing. The essay is good, but sometimes you rely on unnecessarily complicated vocabulary that makes it hard to follow what you're saying. Paragraph 3# is your best. I would rate it a 25/30.

With the cultivation of humans' capabilities into machines being on thea upward trajectory, ...
...the infiltration of computers and machines into organizations and factories has automated the production line...
... only teachers couldcan make an objective assessment onthe progress made by each students and thereby devise corresponding teaching strategies andto adjust their teaching pace appropriate for the needs of their pupils.