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Toefl iBT writing - Integrated task: Global warming


tuanlnc 10 / 36  
Sep 30, 2009   #1
Hi,

This is my integrated essay about the global warming phenomenon. I can't post the reading passage as well as the lecture. I feel it's very difficult to combine the reading & the lecture. Please proof-read it & give me some tips to improve!

Thanks in advance,

Tuan.

The reading passage makes several points about the global warming phenomenon. Cutting forests and burning fossil fuels produce more and more green house gases. These causes Earth's temperature to increase, the weather to change and they create many negative effects for our life. Plus, the lecture provides some data which make the reading passage more convincible.

First, the reading passage states that scientists discovered the relationship between rising temperatures and rising levels of carbon dioxide. Most of this gas emits from industrial activity and vehicles.

Second, following the reading, in twentieth century, the average temperature of Earth increased 1.5 F and it continues to increase; the weather already begun to change. To support this point, the lecture says that the winter has been become warmer and the snow fall has been reduced recently years. And the snow fall will reduces twenty-five to fifty percent in the next years.

Finally, the reading shows that the weather changes will affect directly to the environment and the economy. Some plants and animals species may extinct; agricultural and transportation sectors are impacted strongly, so the economy can slump. The lecturer uses skiing industry as an example, the income of this business decreases because the snowy days reduces, the warmer winter make people feel unattractive. Also, hotels, restaurants and shops are unmarketable.

EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Sep 30, 2009   #2
Plus,T he lecture provides some data which make the reading passage more convincing .

You seem to be discussing both. It is difficult to say for sure, as I haven't read either the passage or the lecture, but you have a clear thesis and examples to back it up.
thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Sep 30, 2009   #3
hi tuan, are u viennamese? i have ever read your several essay, and i find that your writing is very good? i am wondering that could u tell me what are u studying? in your own opinion, how to writing more effectively. i am preparing for ielts test, but i am very worried about my writing. anyway, thanks so much.

oh, nearly forget to say, thank to your essay, i wrote an essay about this topic but i did it not well due to lack of information. thanks so muh
OP tuanlnc 10 / 36  
Sep 30, 2009   #4
Hi Thinh,

Yes, I'm Vietnamese & living in Ho Chi Minh city. Unlike you, I'm preparing for Toefl iBT test in this December. I do not feel confident enough to earn > 80 marks. Speaking and writing are my weak skills, so I must practice more and more! I have not much experience in English writing, just give you some of my ideas:

1. Read writing books to know how to organize the essay.
2. Use idea map (or mind map) to summerize the passage or the lecture.
3. Read e-newspapers (cnn, nytimes) to improve vocabulary as well as to learn the way the journalists write (sentence structure, transition words, ideas ...).
4. Listen a lot to the lectures, radio, videos so that we can comprehend the lecture of integrated writing task.
5. Finally, practice as much as possible both four skills.

Cheers,

Tuan.

@EF_Sean: can you please let me know why we should upper case the word right after "Plus, "? Thanks. ^~^
mocixuan 4 / 10  
Oct 1, 2009   #5
Hi tuan, thanks for your advices, I'm preparing for ibt in this month~~terrible...
Uh,here is my suggestion:
I think you are being asked to explain how the points in the listening relate to points in the reading, but you seems more concerned with the passage, your second paragraph didn't mention the listening at all.
OP tuanlnc 10 / 36  
Oct 1, 2009   #6
Hi,

Yes, the second one doesn't contain any information of the lecture. But the requirement is to summarize the main points of the passage & how they are strengthened by the lecture. Sorry for do not mention it.

Thanks,

Tuan.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Oct 1, 2009   #7
You shouldn't use a capital after the word "plus." You should delete the word "plus." This will make the word that is currently after it the first word of a sentence, and the first word of a sentence is traditionally capitalized.
OP tuanlnc 10 / 36  
Oct 1, 2009   #8
Understand. But the "plus" word is redundant, isn't it? Or I mis-used it?
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Oct 1, 2009   #9
It's just a bit informal for this sort of essay. You don't need it, at any rate, so I suggested you get rid of it.
khoctham 6 / 12  
Oct 1, 2009   #10
hi tuan, i find that yours very good. i have posted some essays, but there were a few comments. but in yours, i see many comments? do u know why?maybe mine is bad and yours is much better. thanks so much
OP tuanlnc 10 / 36  
Oct 2, 2009   #11
Hi,

After everybody replies your essay, you consider their comments. If you post your opinions about these comments or ask more questions then everybody will continue to answer to you.

Hope this helps,

Tuan.
kristinbrianne /  
Oct 3, 2009   #12
Hi there, you have a very well written essay in my opinion!


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