Unanswered [15] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

What is an ideal society? And how can we create it?

RizChow 1 / -  
Sep 22, 2023   #1

What is an ideal society? And how can we creat it?

People used to say that an ideal world can only exist in an imaginary illusion; however, it becomes what many societies pursue to get. So, the question is that can it be created, and how? This essay is going to suggestion some key points to portray an ideal world that human beings would ever want it.

The most essential factor comes from people's awaken mindset reflected via their empathy, compassion, and responsibility. To begin with, as long as ones can place themselves in the others' shoes, they will deeply feel and understand why and how the others act. Since then, they can foster their compassion towards the community, in stead of making judges or creating bias views. In addition, people can understand how and why their partners behave under circumstances, they gradually expand their heart to embrace the others' mistakes, and so strengthen their relationships. Lastly, based on their love to the members in their community, ones will place the responsibility of making a better world on their shoulder. For example, when a boy gets married, he becomes the man of his own family. As long as he loves his wife and children deeply, he is willing to cover all of daily expenses, and work even harder to pay for the prosperity of the family.

However, an awaken mindset cannot be placed on a weak body, so people need to possess a healthy body by making the hearts healthy, the brains strong, and the appearance fit. Obviously, humans' hearts nurture all parts of the body thanks to the circulation system, so ones need to do physical activities to make this organ healthy. Next, the brains work as a steering machine which controls the connection of every part within a living system. Hence, people should refresh their brains and make them strong with positive thinking. Finally, the ideal world can be a mistake if it lacks of divers beauty from either the citizens' fit appearance or colorful decoration from the physical world.

In conclusion, what exists in minds can be turned into reality via a proper action plan and one's determination to achieve it, and an ideal world would not be an exception when people can create the citizens with a positive mindset and a healthy body.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,430 4691  
Oct 7, 2023   #2
imaginary illusion

Word use redundancy. If you are imagining it, then it is already an illusion.

This essay is going to suggestion ... would ever want it.

There is no clear thesis statement. You have not properly responded to the given discussion points. The first paragraph will not receive a passing mark. The TA is not very well achieved in this case and it will be reflected in the preliminary score.

You have displayed a lack of control over the use of English words in relation to sentence structure creation. Your confusing word usage makes it difficult to follow the idea that you are trying to convey to the reader. You must do more sentence building exercises to overcome that particular problem. You need to make sure that your sentences are clear in English and are not transliterated from your mother tongue.

Home / Writing Feedback / What is an ideal society? And how can we create it?