IETLS WRITING TASK 1: Overweight Australian men and Women

obesity in australia

The given diagram details the proportion of people who excess their weight live in Australia in both genders male and female between 1980 and 2010.
Overall, it is clear that the number of overweight men and women experienced an upward trend; additionally, the data for the female is always higher than that of the male during the 30- year period.

In the first 10 years, the percentage of Australian unfit men recorded a rise, by 8%. Although commencing with only 31%, the figures for female closely followed that of male, seeing a rise to roughly 45%. In 2000, the number of fat men and women in Australia was registered as the highest figures in comparison to the remaining years. There was a moderate escalation in the number of overweight Australian men, with almost one- fifth higher than that of the prior ten years. Similarly, the proportion of unfit women climbed to over 50%.

From 2000 to 2010, on the other hand, just about 60% of males excessing weight were recorded in 2010, which was 5% lower than that in 2000 while the figures for women remained unchanged after a period of ten years.

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hi.i will just give you some hints to make your essay perfect:
1-try to go on more details.you did not tell the exact proportions or specific details about years between 200 and 2010.
2-in the first sentece you said women number were always more than females which is not correct.
3-make your essay longer to make sure it reachs to the amount of words they want from you.
goodluck

@tinapakshad1
aw thank you very much.