IELTS: we should not ignore the traditional food; fast foods need be supervised

In many countries traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

people prefer international fast foods rather than traditional foods that their family make has become more commonplace now. So,there has been controversy about whether international fast foods have disadvantages on society and families. I believe that quick meal disturb the normal lifestyle and the pace of life on human-beings, although it has its positives,including saving time and bringing more chance to people to taste unique flavor foods making from different countries.

It is true that the most delicious food is home-made food because we can experience the warmth of family.But the family ties are gradually becoming alienated as a result of international foods chosen by more people ,especially those who are busy on works and studies.Consequently,communication barrier and mutual suspicion appears.If people sit around on the table and taste the foods together,they would spend more time exchanging feelings and boosting emotion everyday,while international quick meal people intake have negative impact on people's health because of disqualification on proceeds and excessive use of genetically modified foods.

With the rapid economic expansion in our society ,this means that people have higher consumption to buy or taste something whatever they want,there are many conventional culture people should protect are missing now. Intaking the traditional foods is a meaningful measure to inherit and appreciate local cooking culture,and so its influence can be propagandized by individuals. Besides,it is widely known that a country or a city with such characteristic foods is usually the most attractive one on tourism because most people prefer specials foods,which can bolster the local development in a rapid rate.

In any way,to try to keep traditions alive with fast pace of life,we should not ignore the traditional food,as it symbolize a time-honored histories and cultures of a country or a city. At the same time, prevailing in more cities, fast foods should be supervised forcefully by the government,this can offer protection on people's health.

peoplePeople prefer international fast foods rather than traditional foods that their family make has become more commonplace now. .... the latter part os very very confusing... what do you try to mean?

You need to improve a lot on the approach , especially the introduction. First, introduce the issue by paraphrasing the prompt. Then state your opinion very clearly.

How to identify the prompt to create appropriate introduction paragraph;
In many countries traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods(Fact). This is having a negative effect on both families and societies (opinion).For your information; there are two types of statement in the prompt; fact and opinion.

To what extent do you agree or disagree? this is the task of your prompt. Event though you strongly agree or disagree with those statements. I suggest you to write those point of view in the body paragraph.

Here is an example, how to recognize your prompt to avoid out of context when you write an essay;
Topic : Food
Narrowing down : traditional and international foods, negative effect for families and societies, in many countries.
Task : agree or disagree
Specific question: are international foods giving an negative effect for families and societies?

People prefer international fast foods rather than traditional foods their family make that has become more commonplace now.
could i write in this way?
thanks Dumi

introduction:
people prefer international fast foods rather than traditional foods that has become more commonplace now.So,there has been controversy about whether international fast foods have disadvantages on society and families. I strongly state mt point that quick meal disturb the normal lifestyle and the pace of life on human-beings, although it has its positives.

.... that too has some grammar issues. These are few sentences I suggest ;
There is a growing trend in the world today that people favoring the international fast foods to their traditional home cooked foods.
In many countries, the international fast foods have shown a major increase in consumption against the traditional foods.
Today, the international fast foods are becoming more and more popular and traditional foods have begun to lose their place in society.