Unanswered [1]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


The importance and meaning of international education - avoiding conflicts between people



jehona mustafa 1 / -  
Feb 29, 2016   #1
The education!-a phrase who shows to much. A phrase whose almost everyone knows the importance, except those who just have came in this world-children! One day they will ask: mother what does it mean education or father what does it mean to be educated?, someone will ask their auntie, grandmother, grandfather or someone else. Do you have that answer?- I believe that yes, because I already have one too!

Humans same like other creatures born, live and die. But, what's that that differs humans from other creatures?-the answer would be consciousness but not just that there is something else that differs them! People fight until they give soul! Even at that moment of life they have an unrealised wish. So, even at that moment they haven't met yet that what they call the 'true happiness' and although this is just an illusion they like to follow it!

A child is like a white letter that from day to day is writing and scribbling from things that life has reserved.
The education obtains from family says my father sometimes! As a kid I didn't understand why he was saying that but now I think I do. "As well as your family will learn you that well you'll be educated!"

To be educated is so important! Why I am saying this?- I am saying this starting from things that happens day by day, from criminal people around us. Almost every day we are listening about murder and injury, about lies and thievery. And who are those that affect in this happening?- it's so simply that's us! We are the creatures that are dominating all creatures, we are those who know how to behave, who know how to talk, so we are those who are educated, right? But come on where is the sign of our education?! When we are killing our brothers, when we don't respect our parents, ha?-where is our education? No, we don't belong at the dominant level, with what we are doing we just belong to the "animal level"! I feel sorry for saying this, but that's the truth!

Why is important the international education?
This is why it is important: if people were educated properly than there will not exist the conflict between brother and brother otherwise there would be love, if we were educated properly there will not exist lies otherwise there would be the truth, it will not exist thievery but the help between each other. This is impossible right?- I think so, in fact all think so! But never say never! The impossible can be possible if we believe and hope! If we dedicate more to reading, if we dedicate more to our job for achieving our dreams, if we respect each other, if we evoke love in place of rampage and hassle, only then the impossible will be possible!

Do you know who is the heavier profession in life?- it is being mother. From the mother depends what way will follow the child! Parents have the most important role in our lives, in our education! They're the only model for us!

How fast pass years! For someone a year means just a year more, while for someone in a year life can take completely different direction, to be extinguished e life, to born a child, to start a new love story or happen a lot of surprises that life has prepared for us.

Every single day I'm seeing my parents just how they care about us, I see the grey colour that had started to show in their hair, the wrinkles on their faces that shows visibly their hardships for our future, and do you know how important I feel? When I look at them I don't feel lonely, when I look at them I don't feel unwanted! I feel complete, I feel happy and this is what every kid wants!

For what I said at the beginning, for the questions that every child will ask, do you know why I said it? I said it because I asked the same to my parents! What does it mean education?

They answered: "The education means you my dear, all about your character, your attitude, your skill, your temperament and your builded personality are connected with your education, with what you are indeed!

Lynn88Mr 1 / 14  
Mar 2, 2016   #2
Hi. From your title, I believe your essay has deviated from the main point which is how education can be utilized to avoid conflicts between people. From what I read, the essay mostly contain the reasons why people should have education. The examples you had given also didn't relate much with the topic. To do the essay, you should have an introduction, three main points or more with examples and a conclusion. In general, you will have at least five paragraphs in total. Try to avoid the usage of (!) in your sentences.

-First paragraph: maybe you can start by giving the definition of education and how people can obtain education
-Second, third and fourth paragraphs: state the main point and give examples. For example: With education, conflicts between people can be avoided by researching and exploring new options to solve the problems people will likely face.

-Conclusion: Conclude all the main points you have mentioned and the hope that you have.

I cannot comment much on your grammar but please stop using so much comma in your sentences. If it long enough, end your sentence. Use "furthermore, besides, in addition, moreover, however and etc" to help you link your new sentences with the previous one.


Home / Writing Feedback / The importance and meaning of international education - avoiding conflicts between people
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳