Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Important teenage decisions should be taken by parents or elders


hatung94 6 / 8  
Nov 16, 2009   #1
Age of 15 is the age of numerous changes in one person. Children at this age always want to express themselves and make their own decisions. But anyway parents still should make important decisions for their over 15 year-old children.

The first reason for this is that no one understands children as well as their parents. Parents know what their children want, what they need and they make the best decisions for them. These decisions are very essential and useful. They help children a lot, bring them in a right direction to develop. For instance, parents should decide which school their children will attend. A good school will benefit children a lot, bring them a pleasant condition that they can improve their knowledge and skills much more remarkably.

Second, if children are allowed to make their own decisions, they are likely to get in a lot of troubles. Therefore they not only can't learn anything from their mistakes but also can be put in an extremely stressful state. This is very not good because it will distract children from their studies, make them always feel confused and disheartened. Moreover, children who cannot cope with the stress may commit suicide. This will remain heart-rending suffering for the children' family.

In addition, nowadays lots of parents, especially who divorced, indulge their children. They give their children a lot of money, allow them to do everything, to make any decisions. By this means, they are spoiling their children as immature children with no control of parents are probably become corrupt. They will have no interest in studying, all day hang out with the others or maybe commit social evil. These results of children making decisions are disastrous and can harm a lot to society.

In conclusion, parents should be who direct and make important decisions for their teenaged children. Teenagers who follow their parents' advices will have a good preparation for their future lives.

Someone helps me for some more ideas. My ideas are very poor :(

calderon 4 / 7  
Nov 17, 2009   #2
Hi Tung! Glad I am the first one to check your essay!

I can't give you great advice as I think you forgot to mention what the prompt is...

I think your first sentence is a little awkward. Make it: Fifteen (not 15 ) is the age of....in one person.

For instance, parents should decide

Try not to use hypothetical examples. Mention things that actually happened to you (make some up if you want but keep them realistic).

probably become corrupt

it should be "probably becoming corrupt"

By and large this looks like a SAT essay. If it is then it's really good!
If it is for college, however some specific examples of children making wrong decisions should help.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,324 129  
Nov 17, 2009   #3
Thanks, Arjun, I noticed some of the same things.

The age of fifteen is a time of numerous changes in a person.

Children at this age always want to express themselves and make their own decisions. ------> good sentence!

But anyway Nevertheless, parents still should make important decisions for their over 15 year-old children.


Home / Writing Feedback / Important teenage decisions should be taken by parents or elders