It is impossible to avoid fundamental factor of business - making money

Bayuwibowo 48 / 73

Sep 17, 2015 #1

Topic :
The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Bigger company earns more profit. Thanks to that statement, entrepreneur believes the main goal of business is to earn money. However, I partly disagree with that sentence, other factor such as doing thing that make you passionate and protect environment are more important than the money itself.

Everything have a price, includes health and happiness. It cannot be denied that money takes an important role in our life nowadays. That's why business is established, to produce more money. Plenty of entrepreneurs convinced if only care about profit and asset; then as a consequence the firm can grow rapidly.

On the other hand, there are some businessmen who started their business without money desire. For instance, Mark Zuckerberg which is the founder of Facebook was started the business with do something which make him passionate. He did not suppose his hobby about programming computer can bring him to obtain billions dollar. Forbes noted Zuckerberg became the-11th richest man in the world. In addition, the company also needs to care about the environment. How they can manage waste and how they care about greenhouses effect, only a small part of company could do to protect the nature. There is evidence from researcher, if the company only cares about the profit they will go into liquidation sooner or later.

The aforementioned argument reveals, it is impossible to avoid fundamental factor of business which is getting money even though other factor must be considered, in order to maintain the continuity of business.

shintacandrade 10 / 74

Sep 20, 2015 #2

Bigger company earns more profit.

Better you write using a correlative comparative for this sentence (the X-er . . . the X-er): The better the company is, the larger profits they earn.
As you can see, each part is syntactically alike, and a comma separates the two clauses.

Thanks to that statement, entrepreneur believes the main goal of business is to earn money.

Here, you are making an overgeneralization. The term of 'overgeneralization' means where the writer makes a claim about all members of a group, but it is only true for some members. As per academic writing, this is inaccurate and will weaken your argument because these following reasons:

1. Readers can easily doubt what you are saying,
2. They may even think that you do not understand your topic

Thus, this is my editing:
For this reason, many entrepreneurs believe that making money must be the most important thing for any business.
I just did a little editing and added 'many'. Now, you can feel it which one is more accurate. It is sometimes hard to explain actually, but you will get a sense of it if you read a lot.

Hope this helps ~ Shinta