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Ielts Task 1: Imprisonment levels in 5 countries


MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Jun 23, 2013   #1
The given table presents data concerning incarceration levels in five major nations around the world over a 50-year period.

Overall, imprisonment numbers varied considerably from one country to another. Likewise, the USA outperformed the figures for the remaining four countries.

In 1930, 100 thousand American citizens were sentenced to prison and subsequently rose by 30% the following ten years. Afterwards, statistics for the USA saw a steady decline prior to reaching a peak of 140 thousand in 1980. Australia and New Zealand also underwent a period of fluctuations with a gradual drop in the first half whereas there was an obviously upward trend in the second half.

Simultaneously, Great Britain had the lowest figure for confined people, occupying merely 20 thousand at the beginning of the period. Nonetheless, it had increased substantially by the end of the course, nearly tripling the 1930 mark. On the contrary, Canada experienced the most positive pattern with data falling by 20% from 1930 to 1980.



shadman19922 21 / 74 10  
Jun 23, 2013   #2
Ummmmmm.... what exactly are you asking people to critique about or comment on this writing? :S
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jun 23, 2013   #3
Likewise, the USA outperformed the figures for the remaining four countries.

... well, even Canada has high figures and it is only in 1980, the US has a significant difference in imprisonment levels compared to other countries. Since your introductory line needs to give an overall picture about this graphical representation, I think this sentence is not very appropriate and gives a different idea against what you really wanted to say. I guess you wanted to say that the variation levels of the US has outperformed the levels of other countries, but it is not what is conveyed to the reader. I think you need to improve the clarity of this line.
OP MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Jun 24, 2013   #4
I think you need to improve the clarity of this line.

Thank you, Dumi! Actually I wanted to say that the US had by far the highest number of prisoners. If I add "for the majority of the period" after

Likewise, the USA outperformed the figures for the remaining four countries.

, will it be a little better?

Ummmmmm.... what exactly are you asking people to critique about or comment on this writing?

Hi, shadman19922! I would like them both to improve my writing.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jun 24, 2013   #5
Thank you, Dumi! Actually I wanted to say that the US had by far the highest number of prisoners. If I add "for the majority of the period" after
MisterWandering:
Likewise, the USA outperformed the figures for the remaining four countries., will it be a little better?

.... sounds a bit better. Also, it is better to tell the reader what figure the USA records highest;
Out of the five countries, the USA recorded the highest total imprisonment levels for the period under review.
The rest seems to be pretty good, especially in the sections you have given more details. :)


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