The imprisonment over a period of 50 years in five different areas - diagram analysis

the figures for imprisonment in five countries

The bar chart below illustrates diagram for imprisonment over a period of 50 years in five different areas.

It is clear that the greatest number of prisoners between 1930 1nd 1980 is United States. We can also see quantities for imprisonment in five countries trend to rise by every 10 years period.

In each of decade shown on the chart amount of prisoners in America increase except in 1950 and 1970. Roughly a rise 10000 to 40000 of prisoners reported in US from 1930 to 1980. Meanwhile, in Great Britain number for imprisonment always grows reached 85000 in 1980.

In the year 1970, the figures of imprisonment are almost same in three countries. They are Great Britain, Australia and New Zealand. Before 1970, the fluctuation numbers of these three countries. In the year 1980, the diagram for prisoners relatively surge in Great Britain and New Zealand. In other hand, Canadian prisoners decline between 1930 and 1980.

• 
  IMG20180910WA0005.jpg
  

dear @Asih Mustikasari
i think you didn't embrace all of information of the diagram in the second paragraph which is overall
it means that you should mention to all countries which you analyse in paragraphs below.
moreover, in the third paragraph, must be '' the number for...'' and '' reach to 85000''
... really, i see a lot of mistakes in your essay... hope you do better in next essay

Asih, you have written a total of 156 words. That is evidence that your essay is not complete, does not analyze the information, and cannot be used as an accurate basis of an analytical report. The proper length for this essay is between 150-200 words covering a 4 paragraph presentation. You have presented 4 paragraphs but without the required 3-5 sentence presentation per paragraph. When you write such short Task 1 essays, you cannot expect to get a good score or a passing score, based on the mistakes you made within the presentation. You should have written at least 175 words to assure yourself of a close to passing or a passing score.

Try to focus on the clarity of the information you are presenting as well. I am not sure what you mean by "1nd" in the first sentence of the second paragraph.

There is a lack of complete summary information presentation while your trending sentence can easily confuse the reader. You need to learn to review your essay when you are finished reading it so that you can spot the mistakes in grammar presentation and correct these before you submit it for scoring.

Read the Task 1 sample essays at this forum so that you can learn how to properly present the information. Learn from the mistakes of others because you have made similar mistakes in your own writing.

I would say that this is a good first attempt at Task 1 writing. There is room for tremendous improvement.