the modern medicine and human life span
These days, the development of modern medical facilities have brought values to the world which enables people to lengthen their life span. Although this trend is not without disadvantages, the advantages will be more significant.
Opponents of this trend would argue that living longer may bring some downsides. This may be true to some extent that increasing life expectancy may escalate the older population and they are a weight for society. This means that there would be a sum of money paid to take care of the elderly. Moreover, some of them consider that since they do not have plenty of time to look after their old parents, the issue of living longer might be difficult for these children.
However, the merits of improved medical care obviously outweigh than its drawbacks. First, there is no denying that thanks to the advanced of medical aids, the health of society might be reinforced. This means people could pay to enjoy the benefits of medical care in case they suffer from diseases. Secondly, it is clear to say that owing to advanced medical facilities, humans might have health check-ups on a regular basis. Without it, it would be hard for people to be diagnosed with diseases; therefore, they might be prone to be involved in diseases soon and more seriously and cannot prepare a proper plan to treat these problems. Thus, high-grade medical care would support people to stay more healthy and extend life span.
In conclusion, although advanced medical aids are considered to have both pros and cons, I strongly believe that the values it brings to human are more remarkable than its disadvantages. Only by developing medical care could human live longer, healthily and happily.
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Firstly, the initial portions of the content need to be structured a lot more. While you had an introductory paragraph, the concrete thesis statement needs to be highlighted in the writing. If you are unable to do so, it would drastically impact your written work, considering that you should emphasize on these values a lot more.
The second portion of the essay is well-done, I would say. You had integrated a sophisticated and yet step-by-step formatting in explaining the major thesis statement. What I would suggest would be to add more concrete examples here to add more substance to your writing.
Conclusion needs a bit more substance as well. The first sentence appears to be rather stretched out thinly without having a proper direction of the content.