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TOEFL - Improving conditions - Has human harmed the Earth or made it a better place?


Munkhjin 2 / 3 3  
Nov 7, 2012   #1

the technology and planet earth condition



Our life condition is increasing day by day as a result of new technological advances. Their advances bring us many possibilities to quickly connect someone lived in anywhere of the world by using internet access and rapidly reach a place where you want by using any type of vehicle. Nonetheless, we are facing some damages to need to focus on in spite of their possibilities. On the other hand, human beings are damaging the Earth and there are a main three reasons: deforestation, pollution, depletion of natural resources.

First of all, main role of forest is to maintain the ecological balance. In addition to, forest has ability to release of oxygen and absorb the carbon dioxide used by us. But we are cutting to continue for many reasons to make a furniture, house and paper, etc. Consequently, carbon dioxide release into the atmosphere, and ozone layer is holed, so global warming would increase the temperature of the world.

Furthermore, related to the technical development, the increasingly expanded factories create so much pollution. This action affects badly our environment, food and water. For example, factories spill out so much contaminant every day to the river and stream. Moreover, air pollution is threating in some country. In fact, capital city of Mongolian, in Ulaanbaatar, outbreak of lung cancer is increasing year by year because of great number of vehicle and factory.

Finally, our created machines and motors consume greatly a resource of petroleum, oil, natural gas. But their resource will come to an end soon. If their resource depleted completely, our life would be difficult. For example, we use devices such as car, gas heater, and without natural resource, so many problem will arise. Even though there is a renewable energy which comes from natural resources such as sunlight, wind and rain, it is not enough in the world because the world's energy usage is very high.

In conclusion, although technology high speed brings us so many opportunities, it also creates number of problem: deforestation, pollution, depletion of natural resources. But we have to endure their problems, and need try our best to improve above conditions.

ibadullah 2 / 7 1  
Nov 8, 2012   #2
First of all, main role of forest is to maintain the ecological balance. In addition to, forest has ability to release of oxygen and absorb the carbon dioxide used by us . But we are continuously cutting them for many reasons to make a furniture, houses and paper, etc.
OP Munkhjin 2 / 3 3  
Nov 8, 2012   #3
Dear Ibadullah:
Thank you for suggesting. I realized that need to know about plural and singular. I rewrote more understandable a conclusion paragraph.
In conclusion, although high speed technologies bring us so many opportunities, it also creates a number of problems: deforestation, pollution, depletion of natural resources.Therefore, in order to decide these problems, we need to provide all possible measure to plant a tree, use a renewable energy, reduce and reuse our waste and so on.

Best Regard:
Munkhjin
dumi 1 / 6,930 1592  
Nov 9, 2012   #4
life condition

--- "living standard" is the appropriate usage here

TheirSuch advances bringprovide us with many possibilitiesefficient solutions to quicklyget connected withsomeonelivedanyone livingin anywhere ofin the world by usingwith internet access and torapidly reach a place very fast where you want go by using any type of vehiclemodern transportation options.

Nonetheless, we are facing some damages that to we need to focus on (focus on what? you need to tell that to the reader)preventing themin spite of their possibilities .

You need to pay a lot of attention to grammar and constructing your sentences in a more organized manner. You should complete one idea before start writing about the other. That's important to arrange a good flow of your ideas that the reader would find easy to follow. Practise with shorter sentences first.


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