Increased human lifespans - IELTS task 2 advantages and disadvantages

Topic:

In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinions.

Nowadays, people evolved in a positive way. Many countries witnessed a rise in the human lifespan. Although some advantages of this trend could be seen, in my viewpoint, they are outweighed by the considerable drawbacks.

On the one hand, the growth in life expectancy brings some clear benefits for individuals. Firstly, people who live longer have opportunities to stay with their families and enjoy their relaxed life after many years working hard. They become grandparents and could take care of their children. As a matter of fact, almost children having grandparents be together are better than others at life skills thanks to their experiences gained from the elderly. Moreover, old people could promote relationships among their family members. They are usually considered as family moderator.

On the other hand, lifespan increasing caused many issues for social. One negative effects of rise human lifespans is an aging population that puts burdens on healthcare services such as hospitals and nursing home. These places might face a manpower shortage or run out of money because the elderly often require more frequent and long-term health care. Another disadvantage of this trend is that young people will access less job opportunities due to the people retiring later. If this condition persists, it will lead to more serious consequences. For instance, there are more jobless people preventing the economy growth.

To sum up, there re many benefits that could be seen from the increased human lifespans but the negative effects of this trend, in my perspective,definitely eclipse these benefits.

I will help you check your grammar, tenses and spelling as I still work on my writing skills.

"Nowadays, people have evolved
Many countries have witnessed a rise in the human lifespan. .."

"... have more opportunities to ... their relaxed life lives after many years of working hard.
... their grandchildren.
... almost all children having grandparents be together ..."

"... for society.
One negative effects of rise rising human lifespans ... and nursing homes.
... due to the people retiring later late retiring people..."

In the prompt paraphrase, you have to clearly indicate, through a restatement, the discussion instructions. You could have done that by indicating:

... The extended lifetime of a person has resulted in both advantages and disadvantages. My opinion, is that the negatives of the longer life expectation will result in more negatives than positives.

Since this is a 3 paragraph discussion, your essay is missing a complete paragraph. This is the paragraph that should be representing the explanation of your personal opinion. The first 2 paragraphs have to explain the public opinion that support each point of view. Since you were asked to present your opinion separately, then it should be in a stand alone paragraph before the concluding presentation. So your presentation is only partially prompt adherent. You will lose points for not being able to defend your personal opinion as indicated by the original prompt.

Your opening and concluding paraphrase are both incomplete. These should completely cover the restatement of the original topic and idea presentations. 3-5 sentences per paragraph. You don't really convince the reader properly within those opening and closing presentations. It weakens the essay when your paraphrase presentation is not comprehensive as it should be.