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IELTS : intelligent machines replacing human beings : advantages and disadvantages


Pyon9x 11 / 24 9  
Aug 27, 2014   #1
Intelligent machines such as robots are widely applier to take the place of human beings. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

Some of lastest technological innovations are believed to gradually replace human workforce in a wide range of industries. The drawbacks and benefits of this trend will be carefully examined in this essay.

On the one hand, smart devices and machines definitely make the manufacturing progress become much more productive. Since the machines are all programmed to perform the tasks immediately and with high accuracy, the quality as well as the productivity of the product making process could be significantly improved by the use of these machines. Additionally, intelligent robots will help to reduce the labor force needed, which contributes to the cutting down on the amount of money paid for the employees and therefore increasing the company's profit.

On the other hand, this kind of human beings substitution may increase the unemployment rate. As the machines can perform efficiently, the need for manpower will be dramatically reduced. There might be only vacancies for highly trained technicians who can operate the up-to-date machines and those people who are not access to such high level of education will face the risk of not being employed in a long time.

To conclude, although intelligent automatic machines have some drawbacks, I believe the benefits are more significant. Furthermore, there are many jobs such as crafting, porcelain making or designing which can only be done manually, so it is hard to say robots can entirely substitute human workforce in any way.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Aug 27, 2014   #2
Your introduction and thesis statement in the first paragraph it too short. I suggest that you present an overview of the ideas as to what the perceived advantage and disadvantage of using machines in place of human beings could be. You can then introduce your thesis statement. For the second paragraph, do not start off by saying" on the one hand". Instead, open the discussion with a history of machine automation and the reasons that man thought it would be more efficient and useful to develop machines and gadgets that can take over for humans. Mention difficult tasks that could also be life threatening for man, thus proving that using intelligent machines have an important use in the labor industry. For the third paragraph, do not assume information. Be sure. Be positive that the machines cause the unemployment rate to go up. Give definite reasons with supporting evidence for the disadvantages such as the lack of job opportunities, downsizing of the workforce, etc. Finally expand your discussion about why you believe that replacing humans with machines is advantageous by mentioning more tasks that a limited by the ability of man but can be programmed into machines to do.

You have a very good start to the essay. It just needs polishing and more discussion points. I believe this is your first draft and you will have to write at least 2 more before you come to your final version. Keep up the good work :-)
OP Pyon9x 11 / 24 9  
Aug 27, 2014   #3
It just needs polishing and more discussion points. I believe this is your first draft and you will have to write at least 2 more before you come to your final version. Keep up the good work :-)

thank vangiespen , i'll will try to do as you adviced :D actually i've found this essay kind of too simple but didnot know how to make it more interesting T-T your suggestions are exactly what i need right now
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Aug 27, 2014   #4
Pyon9x, you can talk about Henry Ford and how he decided that creating a factory line would make cars more affordable to people. This eventually led to the automation of the car manufacturing industry. It can also be used as an example of how too many intelligent machines doing the jobs of humans can signal the demise of an industry because automated technology makes manufacturing more expensive. I hope my suggestion helps you :-)


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