With the increasing of the crime rate, there are some people that are afraid to leave their house

Hi there, please give me some advice about the essay below. Thanks!

Fear of crime

Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of their fear of crime. Some people believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime, but ohters feel that little can be done. Dicuss both views and given your own opinion.

With the increasing of the crime rate , there are some people that are afraid to leave their house . According to the situation , we have discussed whether it is possible to take more actions to obstruct crime . In my opinion , I believe that even implement some measures would have trouble , we still need to overcome these .

Analyzing the main reasons why criminals would break the law , we can find that lots of factors of offenders circumstances , such as their personal behaviors , financial status and law awareness . As I mentioned these different factors , we are able to target to prevent crimes . For example , the juvenile delinquencies criminals disobeying the law is that it is rooted in their immaturity , even they do not think their behaviors have beyond the scope of the law . As for them , the school and communities have the responsibility to educate the young generation more law knowledge . In addition , the needy people that committed a crime just because they need money . Therefore , the most efficient action to prevent this type of crime is providing them financial support .

However , some people argue that some offenders culprit the law by accident , which is unpredictable and unsolved . Regarding the unexpected situation that we can do is letting them know the consequences of committing a crime . As long as people fundamentally realize that obeying law is their obligations to a citizen , they would not disobey it easily . So our government and mass media all need to propagate more information about harm in crime , which strengthens their awareness of abiding the law .

In conclusion , facing these predictable and unpredictable crime events , which we can take actions in different aspects , thus playing the role of crime prevention .

In my opinion, u have used a variety of vocabulary which is really good. However, in the third paragraph, the final reason is quite unconvincing, because the needy people need money doesn't mean we need to give them money, it cannot solve the problem of cut the root of the problem. I think you should write" the needy people that committed a crime just because they need money and they cannot find a job" which will sound more sensible :).

And another problem which is quite big is I think u miss the "personal opinion". U cannot just say your opinion in the introduction and done. U have to give the reasons, results, examples, blah blah blah... so in other words, u did not follow the prompt :)

And that just all my ideas I give to u, I hope it can help u :) !