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Increasing crime rate can be solved by a government role.


alif 12 / 13 2  
Jun 30, 2015   #1
Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

In the contemporary era, the crime statistic increase significantly every year. There are plenty of reasons why criminal actions have always happened in around the world, one of them is economic factors. As such, this crime activity should be tackled by government or individual to reduce criminalization in people's live.

Firstly, an influential factor of increasing criminal actions is a financial problem. For this reason, many of people choose the wrong way to meet the demand. For example, in some place in developing country such as India and Pakistan, the crime cases have risen significantly because they live in poverty. And addition, loss of family value also causes the increasing of this case. People assume that it happens as busy parents have no more time to control of their children.

Because of this reason, it is essential to solve the matters in some ways. Firstly, government should take control of the condition with reducing poverty of people such as rendering charity and providing work field. Secondly, people should be taught to accept the consequences of their actions. It can be done with sending criminals to prison for certain crime as a deterrent effect. And addition, some studies suggest that community service may be immediately suitable form of punishment for minor offenses.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that there are some factors of criminal reasons such as economic crisis and less attention of family. Although this case experience significant growth each year, I totally believe that it can be solved by government role. As such, it is needed to encourage the decision of government to reduce poor people in certain places of country, sending criminal to prison as a punishment, and community service also have the important role to tackle this matter.

lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Jun 30, 2015   #2
I want to focus on some minor issues to help you with your essay. There are many good transition words, but I will help you with errors so you can improve your writing.

-In the first paragraph delete "in" before you mention "around the world". You don't need this word. Since you use factors, you can have more agreement with this statement if you make some words plural. For example, change one of them to: "some of them are related to economic factors." There is a missing words and some errors in this sentence: "As such, criminal activity should be tackled by the government or individuals..."

-In the second paragraph and second sentence, delete "of". You don't need these words, "in some place ". Change it to: "For example, in developing countries..." This change was made because you discussed more than one country. You almost had it right! The transition should be "In addition". I was confused by this sentence. Do you mean that the loss or lack of family values causes an increase in crimes? Delete "of" in the next sentence.

-In the third paragraph, this sentence needs to be explained. I think you mean that work and money should be given to people to reduce poverty. Remember to change "An Addition" with the same transition used in the second paragraph. Delete immediately and replace with, "a".

-In the fourth paragraph, delete "of criminal reasons". After family you should mention that these "cause crimes". The second sentence I'm unsure of to give any suggestions.

Overall, sometimes adding too many words can make it difficult to read. Read the paper with corrections and this will help you improve. Remember to cite any source you used.


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