An increasing number of people choosing to have cosmetic surgeryto improve their appearance

One school of thought holds that people opt for plastic surgery to enhance their physical appearance. The reason for this is that it can help correct physical deformity and also bring a lot of money for businesses. From my perspective, it has detrimental impacts on people's well-being.

On the one hand, there are several advantages responsible for this phenomenon. Chief among these is that doing cosmetic surgery may help some people be more confident. In particular, for many occupations that need a good appearance, such as flight attendant, singers and models. Another positive effect is to correct physical deformity. For instance, many people who suffered from some serious accidents related to their faces or body imperfection, it could be a good remedy for them in order to recover from physical injury. As a result, they can be motivated to go back to their previous life.

On the other hand, I believe that there are several drawbacks behind this phenomenon. Firstly, doing surgery too often can cause a feeling of addiction. The reason for this is these people who might feel insecure about their appearance and likely to suffer from depression if they are not living up to the beauty standard. Consequently, it may leave them some detrimental effects on their mental health. Secondly, when doing surgery at some unqualified facilities can exert many negative impacts on the patients. This may lead to some injuries, bruises and even permanent deformity. Last but not least, it can consume a high amount of time to find out and also the recovery time after the operation.

In conclusion, despite doing plastic surgery can have many positive impacts, I still hold the belief that it can be seen as a negative matter due to the risks of injury, depression and also time-consuming.

This is a highly effective prompt restatement. It shows off the writer's English comprehension abilities. The writer is capable of understanding the given prompt which was written in native English and accurately restated the same in his paraphrasing indicating an English vocabulary command higher than that of a beginning learner. As far as the writer's opinion + thesis statement, it was also well developed and supportive of the discussion as required by the prompt. The paragraph will definitely boost the preliminary score of the student.

Now for the problem in the reasoning paragraphs. Since you offered 2 supporting reasons for your opinion, as required for this type of discussion, you were not supposed to defend both sides of the discussion. Rather, you were to present supporting reasons for your 2 given opinions. That is because you are expected to prove the validity of your reasoning topics. So the score boost that was received will be reduced because of the lack of proper supporting statements for both reasons presented. No score will be provided for the non-supporting presentation. The essay will be scored based upon an under developed reasoning presentation instead, which may lead to a non passing score once the other applied deductions are tallied for the final score.

@xuanxnxn
Hi, i suggest that you should include some specific examples such as korean extreme obsession with plastic surgery or beauty blindness in the third paragraph.