the guns permit issue
Many people think that ordinary people should not have ownership of guns because of an increase in society's crime and violence. I completely agree with that notion due to crime prevention and a reduction in violence rates.
Preventing crime, which is one of the most crucial factors, worth mentioning. In fact, if guns are available in an uncontrolled way, then this is the best chance for criminals who have a tendency to use them to commit crimes. In terms of police, perhaps, they will be able to lose control of offenses, which gives rise to social chaos.
Nowadays, violence is becoming more and more severe regarding social classes, religion, politics, and culture. But the main factor worth considering is that ignorance of those especially in adults and teenagers owning guns leads to social conflict, seriously, violent clashes. For instance, imagine if students at school had a gun when they didn't keep their temper in unpredictable situations, consequently, they might resort to violence to deal with issues by their weapon, hence this would result in a significant rise in the use of violence instead of not using guns.
To sum up, I think that guns need to be controlled in the right way, as well as normal people should not be able to hold the guns in order to partially decrease crime and violence in society and live in peace and harmony.
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Firstly, the first paragraph is still lacking. From the get-go, it was noticeable how the writing itself doesn't have substantial details throughout. The first paragraph doesn't have sufficient details ingrained into it. You were unable to show what the thesis statement actually is here - and this can impede the overall context of your writing because you cannot fully explain what the direction of writing will be.
Furthermore, try to have a more structured and organized writing approach. The first sentence of the second paragraph appears to be rather flimsy because of its manner of construction. This goes the same with the last sentence of this paragraph.
The conclusion also needs to be worked on. Bear in mind that you have to be clearer with what you are intending to relay throughout.