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Individuals should not be allowed to carry guns - 'used for illegal purposes'


Umidabonu 1 / -  
Apr 19, 2014   #1
These days, it seems that far more modern society's justice desire to legitimate carrying firearms among individuals. This promulgation generates heated debate, that guns could be used for both negative and positive purposes. Although there are valid arguments to the contrary, in this paper I would argue that to carry guns should be prohibited. The reason for this are twofold.

First of all, in the global village the number of holocaustic incidents, especially wars is decreased dramatically in the last decades. And majority of population of the world are living in peaceful conscious society rather than in ones where powerful and affluent people are dominated. Though, to store gun legally no matter whether for self protection or to tackle some problems, could disturb this peace, that one day it will shot and couse bloodshed. Because prime reason for weapon invention is to use it against humans. If government legitimate carrying guns, this would be welcome to jungle world of dictatorship and chaos.

Even more disturbing, firearms could be used for illegal purposes, in spite of usage of them is legal. That in some countries where legislation of gun was imposed, occurrence of attacks to both individuals and sometimes against police officers are frequent, that courses moral and physical suffer of habitats. This insidious incidents make way for breakdowns and turmoils, where gangs and mafias act freely, while authority attempt to maintain peace for development.

By the way of conclusion, I once reaffirm my position and my agreement to the statement by support of aforementioned views above.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Apr 19, 2014   #2
I have a few admin requests - First, mention the purpose, e.g. IELTS, TOEFL etc. in the title itself so that we can provide you with more task related feedbacks. Further this thread should have been opened in the WRITING FEEDBACK forum which is the most appropriate forum for this task. This has been moved from Graduate Essays to Writing Feedback.

Again, include your full prompt with the essay for others to have a better understanding about what it requires from you and align their feedbacks accordingly
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 20, 2014   #3
The first thing the reader sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately knows your writing needs more work to read. Hence, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.
niesaysi 16 / 290 85  
Apr 20, 2014   #4
Since you have not included the full prompt, I will just focus on the grammatical structure.

These days, it seems that far more modern society's justice desire to legitimate carrying firearms among individuals.

The issue about legitimization of carrying firearms among individuals is getting serious.

Although there are valid arguments to the contrary,in this paper However, I would argue that to carrying guns should be prohibited. The reason for this are twofold.

ThoughAlthough the storing of gun , to store gun legally no matter whetheris for self protection or to tackle some problems , it could still disturb this peace, that one day it will shot and cousecause bloodshed.

Indeed , Becausethe prime reason for weapon invention is to use it against humans.

great point!

If the government legitimates carrying guns, this would be welcomecertainly affirmtothe jungleworld of dictatorship and chaos.

Even more disturbing, firearms could be used for illegal purposes, thoughin spite ofthe usage of them is legal.

By the way of conclusionTo conclude , I once reaffirm my position and my agreement to the statement by support of aforementioned views above agree that carrying guns should not be promulgated for this will only open the way towards destruction and trouble .

:D
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Apr 23, 2014   #5
Also, you need to improve your essay structure.
bestonline99 2 / 2  
Apr 23, 2014   #6
Be a little more specific on the second paragraph!


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