Industrial area in Norbiton and how it is planned for development in the future CAMBRIGDE 17 IELTS 1

please help me with my essay, thank you so much :)

Industrial area in Norbiton

The maps illustrate an industrial area in Norbiton's town and how it will be planned for development in the future.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The maps illustrate an industrial area in Norbiton's town and how it is planned for development in the future.
In general, it can be clearly seen from the map that all the factories will be replaced with housing. In addition, there will be more buildings constructed next to inhabitants' houses in the future.

Looking at the map of the Norbiton industrial area today, there is a road in the south of the area linked to a roundabout, which is surrounded by factories. On the north side, farmland is located beside the river. Turning to this area's planned development, it will become a residential area in the future. Therefore, all of the factories will be displaced with accommodations. In the north of the area, the farmland will be narrowed to build housing and also a bridge passing the river. Additionally, the road system of this area will be more complicated than it is now. The route will be reconstructed with a new roundabout in the south of the area. Besides, there will be new buildings and facilities that serve residents' lives such as shops, a medical center, a playground, and a school.

• 
  504ede4ab1406c1e3551.jpg
  

The essay meets the word count minimum. That is good. What is bad then? The paragraph presentations are not proper. There need to be 4 paragraphs in this presentation but there are only 2 presented here. The summary overview is not well written in terms of vocabulary and grammar, but the presentation of ideas remain clear to the reader. That is the most important part. That the summary overview and trending statements are accurate based on the given image. It would have been even better if you had indicated the number of images presented to ensure that the reader knows only 2 images are offered as the basis fort he discussion.

The 2 explanatory paragraphs need to highlight 2 things, the previous set up and the new set up, using 2 separate paragraphs. You need to clearly separate the before and after descriptions because the images have different focus points. The C+C score will rely on your proper division of information for the benefit of the reader.

Good job though. You have done just enough work to not fail the test, but not get a very high mark either. You will simply pass the test at this point. I am sure that you can do better than that next time.