Please help me to edit this essay writing as i practice it in order to retake the IELTS exam by the end of September or the beginning of the following month. Feel free to comment. I would appreciate all your valuable comments on my essay topic. Thanks in advance for your help.
Here is the following writing:
Topic: The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than it has ever been before. What do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap?
Even if we are living in the same globe or world, but the differences still exist and are in a process of expanding from time to time. And one of them is the gap between rich and poor nations which results in education, technology and capital. Those are the main causes of this inequality. However those can be reduced gradually by several solutions which will be listed in details as the following description.
First of all, rich nations have been known as having high technology which allows them to upgrade their productivities in several fields quicker than poor nations. For example, most agriculture in Asia regions has been practiced through human power rather using machines unlike developing countries. In comparison of these 2 factors, it shows that developed countries are in great advantage to step up ahead of those who apply traditional habits for their daily routines. Secondly, education is considered as one of many causes for this discrepancy due to the facts that education is a basic background in developing and growing for any nations. While rich nations have a plenty of modern educational materials in helping them to accelerate their growing in a short time, poor nations only have books and minor equipments to rely on for their learning process. It is noticeable that having additional items or equipments such as computer does help to make the great improvements in education. Thirdly, capital is a vital resource in fast-growing. It can be used to certain purposes such as expanding knowledge, development or investments. It is hard to imagine that poor nations can grow without financial resources to operate their activities successfully.
Even though, those three factors are the main causes in gaping between rich and poor nations, there are several ways in reducing that gap. Firstly, developed nations should provide supports both financially and technically to developing countries via non-profit organizations (NGOs) or loans with or without minor interests. If those supports are applied, poor nations have chance of both learning and growing independently in the future once those supports are withdrawn. Along with that, developed countries can provide technical assistances related to agriculture, business or other fields which are useful for poor nations to grow sustainably.
In conclusion, while this inequality occurs between rich and poor nations, it means that this problem is spread globally which one nation cannot solve this alone. So it is to believe that rich nations should provide any possible supports to poor nations in order to minimize this gap together as one.
Here is the following writing:
Topic: The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than it has ever been before. What do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap?
Even if we are living in the same globe or world, but the differences still exist and are in a process of expanding from time to time. And one of them is the gap between rich and poor nations which results in education, technology and capital. Those are the main causes of this inequality. However those can be reduced gradually by several solutions which will be listed in details as the following description.
First of all, rich nations have been known as having high technology which allows them to upgrade their productivities in several fields quicker than poor nations. For example, most agriculture in Asia regions has been practiced through human power rather using machines unlike developing countries. In comparison of these 2 factors, it shows that developed countries are in great advantage to step up ahead of those who apply traditional habits for their daily routines. Secondly, education is considered as one of many causes for this discrepancy due to the facts that education is a basic background in developing and growing for any nations. While rich nations have a plenty of modern educational materials in helping them to accelerate their growing in a short time, poor nations only have books and minor equipments to rely on for their learning process. It is noticeable that having additional items or equipments such as computer does help to make the great improvements in education. Thirdly, capital is a vital resource in fast-growing. It can be used to certain purposes such as expanding knowledge, development or investments. It is hard to imagine that poor nations can grow without financial resources to operate their activities successfully.
Even though, those three factors are the main causes in gaping between rich and poor nations, there are several ways in reducing that gap. Firstly, developed nations should provide supports both financially and technically to developing countries via non-profit organizations (NGOs) or loans with or without minor interests. If those supports are applied, poor nations have chance of both learning and growing independently in the future once those supports are withdrawn. Along with that, developed countries can provide technical assistances related to agriculture, business or other fields which are useful for poor nations to grow sustainably.
In conclusion, while this inequality occurs between rich and poor nations, it means that this problem is spread globally which one nation cannot solve this alone. So it is to believe that rich nations should provide any possible supports to poor nations in order to minimize this gap together as one.