Hi, This is an SAT essay. Please grade it out of 12 and give me some feedbacks.
What do you think of the intro, thesis, conclusion?
What do you recommend regarding examples?
Is there any weaknesses or flaws in the essay?
Please be harsh as much as possible !
Prompt 1
Inconsistency is commonly thought to be an undesirable personality trait, and inconsistent people are viewed as indecisive and weak willed. On the other hand, firm commitment to an idea or plan of action is associated with personal and intellectual strength, stability, and honesty. Thus, once we have made a choice or taken a stand, it is best not to change.
Adapted from Robert B. Cialdini, Influence: How and Why People Agree to Things
Assignment : Is it best not to change our ideas, opinions, or behaviors? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observation.
Essay:
Starkly different views rose to the fore while debating consistency and commitment to a certain kind of behaviour thought. Some argue that sticking to an unchangeable approach is foolish and even a mark of dogmatism. Historical figures like Martin Luther King as well as fictional characters proved that consistency is the most effective approach to succeed and perform.
M.L.King was a vociferous speaker and activist who took a tough stand to fight for human rights and especially a persistent perspective toward blacks' right to live harmonically with whites and to enjoy an equal social status. He was clear, strong and honest to challenge the stereotypes, misconceptions and bias. He made it crystal clear to American community through his inspiring speechs, notably "I have A Dream" speech, that he shouldn't resign or withdraw from the battlefield of human rights. The fight for equality requires a strong-willed leader who fears neither persecution nor intimidation. Ultimately, de he was assassination in the early 1970s, but with his high commitment and devotion, America managed to scramble out of the dark and to develop blue-sky ideas about ethnicity and diversity. Had he changed his ideas and believes, America could probably suffer further from the woes of segregation for a long time after.
Similarly, in the dystopian vertigo comic novel "V for Vendetta" by Alan Moore, V, an anarchist revolutionary dressed in Guy Fawkes Mask, began an elaborate campaign to bring down an abusive government who enslave the citizens of the U.K., force them to work in concentration camps and execute every rebel. He urged his counterparts to say "enough" to the oppression and to go street to fight. Across the novel, V was the target of government spies and intelligentsia who tried to capture him and murder him in public. But all these constraints and threats could never deter him from fighting for freedom. He was brave, bold and consistent in his opinions and ideas. British people succeeded thanks to his insights of resistance and perseverance, to eliminate the fascist Norsefire Party officials, topple the government and thus free the U.K.
Being strongly devoted and a defender of an idea or a thought is a vital quality for leaders and activists in order to emerge their ideology and insights. A careful analysis of V for Vendetta and Martin Luther King struggle demonstrates how social change is associated to strong commitment to ideals and perceptions.
What do you think of the intro, thesis, conclusion?
What do you recommend regarding examples?
Is there any weaknesses or flaws in the essay?
Please be harsh as much as possible !
Prompt 1
Inconsistency is commonly thought to be an undesirable personality trait, and inconsistent people are viewed as indecisive and weak willed. On the other hand, firm commitment to an idea or plan of action is associated with personal and intellectual strength, stability, and honesty. Thus, once we have made a choice or taken a stand, it is best not to change.
Adapted from Robert B. Cialdini, Influence: How and Why People Agree to Things
Assignment : Is it best not to change our ideas, opinions, or behaviors? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observation.
Essay:
Starkly different views rose to the fore while debating consistency and commitment to a certain kind of behaviour thought. Some argue that sticking to an unchangeable approach is foolish and even a mark of dogmatism. Historical figures like Martin Luther King as well as fictional characters proved that consistency is the most effective approach to succeed and perform.
M.L.King was a vociferous speaker and activist who took a tough stand to fight for human rights and especially a persistent perspective toward blacks' right to live harmonically with whites and to enjoy an equal social status. He was clear, strong and honest to challenge the stereotypes, misconceptions and bias. He made it crystal clear to American community through his inspiring speechs, notably "I have A Dream" speech, that he shouldn't resign or withdraw from the battlefield of human rights. The fight for equality requires a strong-willed leader who fears neither persecution nor intimidation. Ultimately, de he was assassination in the early 1970s, but with his high commitment and devotion, America managed to scramble out of the dark and to develop blue-sky ideas about ethnicity and diversity. Had he changed his ideas and believes, America could probably suffer further from the woes of segregation for a long time after.
Similarly, in the dystopian vertigo comic novel "V for Vendetta" by Alan Moore, V, an anarchist revolutionary dressed in Guy Fawkes Mask, began an elaborate campaign to bring down an abusive government who enslave the citizens of the U.K., force them to work in concentration camps and execute every rebel. He urged his counterparts to say "enough" to the oppression and to go street to fight. Across the novel, V was the target of government spies and intelligentsia who tried to capture him and murder him in public. But all these constraints and threats could never deter him from fighting for freedom. He was brave, bold and consistent in his opinions and ideas. British people succeeded thanks to his insights of resistance and perseverance, to eliminate the fascist Norsefire Party officials, topple the government and thus free the U.K.
Being strongly devoted and a defender of an idea or a thought is a vital quality for leaders and activists in order to emerge their ideology and insights. A careful analysis of V for Vendetta and Martin Luther King struggle demonstrates how social change is associated to strong commitment to ideals and perceptions.
