The information about the air diffusion in a house and how it reduces heat

Q: The diagram below shows how heat is lost and energy wasted in a house because of air getting into and out of the house. Summarize the information by reporting there main features and make comparisons where appropriate.

The given diagram illustrates the information the circulation of air in a house and how it reduces heat. It is noticeable that there are several types of equipment which mitigate the heat of temperature. In any case, the air is transmitted into varied rooms.

In the first, the air enters into a house trough several ways such as and outdoor faucet while windows are used to cash the light into washing room, the window is used to minimize the electricity consumption. In addition, the air leaking transmits into the door and window beside that electrical outlet and kitchen fan vent stimulates higher amount of air in the second floor. However, air taking out via plan which transfers it outside the house.

Moreover, the air is transferred into the roof before spreading out the house. In the kitchen and electrical outlet, the air is transmitted trough recessed lights and bathroom fan vent. While, attic hatch receives the air from the living room.

Please give me valuable inputs

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Lincoln, if you will study the diagram closely, you will see that the house is composed of 3 floors, each of which has a specific diagram relating to heat loss and air circulation in the house. So the best way to have presented the information provided would have been by focusing one paragraph on each floor of the house. Why should you have discussed the diagram in a per paragraph form?

The illustration could have been better presented to the examiner in a per paragraph form because you could have better concentrated on presenting the information in every part of the illustration. Your current presentation is rushed and did not take other aspects of the house into consideration (such as the crawlspace) in your explanation. By omitting certain portions that were important to the illustration but missing in your presentation, you will risk losing points due to an incomplete presentation.

If you will further review your essay, you will notice that it is actually too short in the conclusion part. This is probably because of the lack of information in the earlier parts. By the way, you have a number of grammatical errors in the essay such as varied = various, trough = through, cash = cast , and plan = fan. You need to slow down and make sure that you are using the correct terms and spelling them properly in the essay. You do not want to lose major points in the grammatical range and accuracy section. That will drag down your final score immensely and could make you fail this test section in the actual setting.

Dear Lincoln,

There are 3 main part in this IELTS part 1:

1. Introduction --> Paraphrase the question (you say the question in other words)

you do a good job in this part but you miss to include "energy waste" which clearly state in the question.

2. Overview --> General Information/ summary/ conclusion of the diagram. the words "overall", " In general" are commonly used in the beginning of this part.

I can't see which one is your overview in this essay.

3. Detail--> detail information about diagram which state numbers, stages, etc

I agree with Mary suggestion about making 3 different paragraphs to explain 3 different floors. You can focus to explain 3 things which are air flow, heat lost and energy waste with every specific equipment from each floor.

I hope this can help you.
Thanks